Thursday, February 21, 2008

Day 18

I don't call it The Greater Truth for lies here.

Line of the week: What else is on my mind-grapes?! -Tracy on 30 Rock

Is it too obvious to say that Hollywood's lack of originality is really beginning to show? How many movies in the past 10 years, aside from Cloverfield and Superbad, haven't begun or ended with text that says something along the lines of "Based on-"? Whether it be a true story, a toy line, television series, video game, or comic book lets face it, the quality of movies in has been steadily declining.

Superbad, Juno and Bee Movie were the funniest most original films of 2007, with Bee Movie being the most intelligent comedy since Mel Brooks' last film. In retrospect however, what did I really have to choose from? These are the comedy movies of last year:
  • Are we Done Yet?
  • Balls of Fury
  • Bee Movie
  • Blades of Glory
  • Bratz
  • The Brothers Solomon
  • Car Babes
  • Code Name: The Cleaner
  • The Comebacks
  • Daddy Day Camp
  • Delta Farce
  • Epic Movie
  • Evan Almighty
  • Fred Clause
  • Good Luck Chuck
  • Hot Rod
  • I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
  • Juno
  • Knocked Up
  • Mama's Boy
  • Norbit
  • The Simpsons Movie
  • Superbad
  • Walk Hard
  • Who's Your Caddy?
Aside from the three I mentioned, the rest are just $50 Million failures hiding in a production of empty laughs and uneducated amusement. Oh well, after such a bad year of comedy, 2008 can only go up right? I mean, we started off right didn't we? Wait...hold on, let me check...Strange Wilderness? Goddamn it.

Anyways, I bring this up because I recently came across an article explaining that Hasbro, aside from Transformers, has also released the rights to many of their other products to Universal Studios so that they can make even more money off the remaining parts of their soul that aren't currently in possession by the devil. Here's the report by Reuters Labs, and a direct quote:

Hasbro Inc on Wednesday said it signed a six-year deal with Universal Pictures for the film company to make at least four movies based on well-known games like Monopoly, Battleship, Candy Land and Ouija.

I've said it before and I'll say it again; I strongly believe that as a species we reached our maximum potential in the 60s and now we're beginning to circle the toilet bowl of existence. Our population may be at an all time high and rising, but lets face it, humanity is almost gone, natural disasters are increasing (The earth hates Indians and black people from Louisiana) and selling out is accepted because money rules our lives. How poetic, something we invented now controls us; money is the real world's Frankenstein.

Now back to me. On Tuesday, after taking a government exam, I went to the bathroom. As I was washing my hands, the other guy in the bathroom, finishes up, looks me square in the eye, gives me a kind of 'whatever' face and walks out the door. First of all, you don't make eye contact with any guy you don't know when you're in the bathroom. Secondly, who the fuck pisses and doesn't wash their fucking hands? That's the even the worst part though, because moments later, I saw him shaking hands with some other guy right outside that building...fucking disgusting. If I were to ever catch one of my friends not wash their hands after touching their sweaty dick, I'd make sure to wipe my ass with my hand, shake their hand, then tell them what I just did, and while holding on to their hand to make sure they don't go anywhere, stare directly into their eyes and remind them to wash their fucking hands.

Jack Thompson was in the news again...except this time it almost feels like he's toying with us. He's actually blaming the NIU shooting on Counterstrike! This guy is almost unreal; has he ever played the damn game? CS is far from real and even less entertaining to anyone with a GED or above. Besides, almost every male with a computer has played counterstrike at one point in time. Maybe .000000000000837 of them kill people at school? That's like saying that every rapist once saw someone being assertive and decided they'd use that to get laid. Everyone is assertive at once in their life, and how many actually go out and rape people? Maybe one in every six the most! I feel like him, Anne Coulter, and the Mrs. Phelps from the WBC get together every month or so to plan their events.

WBC: Hey, sorry I'm late, I had to get some flyers out about Heath Ledger's Death.
Jack Thompson: Oh you're doing that? That's awesome.
Anne Coulter: Yeah, I was planning on doing it too but I'm busy with my next book.
JT: Oooh, what's it called?
AC: Gays or Models? Who to get rid of first.
WBC: Woah, nice.
JT: Yeah, no kidding.
AC: Thanks guys, so what're you up to?
JT: I'm actually blaming the NIU shooting on video games.
WBC: No shit?! Me too, except I'm taking the blasphemous-fags and god-hating side.
AC: That's great, I was actually about to blame the mothers but I'm not really sure if I have time.
WBC: You totally should, we're bringing sandwiches and if you want we'll make you a sign.
JT: Yeah, and I'm gonna bring some Haterade.
AC: .......
WBC: ............
JT: I guess I'm getting the bill today aren't I?
WBC & AC: Yeah.

You will rarely, if ever, see me post these kinds of .gifs on here, but this one is just so damn mesmerizing. It's impossible to watch it only once, you really get lost in it. Those crazy fools over at the CAD Forums loved it; so you will too. Also, one of them told me that she's the Penthouse Pet of June 2006: Shay Laren, so don't get the notion that you'll meet her someday and will be able to get in her's not going to happen.

Since I didn't have class today, I spent the majority of the day sleeping, and before starting homework, I watched the first season of Entourage. It's such a badass show, and yeah I know I'm late about it, but I definitely wish I had HBO so I don't have to wait to watch it online. The only problem is all the shameless plugging in it. Every five fucking minutes you're thrown an Absolut Vodka, Harley Davidson, or Uggz boots promotion. Oh well, at least the content is actually worth it, unlike I, Robot.

Charlie Bartlett and Be Kind, Rewind come out tomorrow so I'll definitely haff to go sheck 'em out this weekend. Both look like promising comedies; Rewind starring Mos Def and being directed by Michel Gondry, and Bartlett having a unique storyline with Robert Downey Jr playing the school Principle.

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