Monday, February 11, 2008

Day 15

Taken by a Human Being while in Fukuoka, Japan...kinda speaks for itself.

Line of the Week: Virtual Scalping: For the tech-savvy Injuns! -Me...right now.

Since my last entry I've been busy fighting the War Against Sinus Pressure...I don't think even AIDS victims have to deal with waking up and not being able to breathe and coughing up enough phlegm to make a phlegm-cake with. Luckily, the weather was really nice, allowing me to do one of my favorite things: driving with the windows down. The fresh air hitting my snot-filled nose and face was literally four minutes of heaven.

Saturday I accompanied my mother to HEB where I coughed on Onions and Coffee for good measure while I teased this chick I happened to look at while smiling...mind games are probably going to come back and bite me in the ass, but until then, I'm in charge. Afterwards we hit up a local Chinese joint and was really fucking let down when I got my Fortune Cookie that read: In order to take, one must first give. Wow, thanks Confuscious. Here are some more bullshit ideas for Fortune Cookies:
  • In order to die, one must first live.
  • In order to smile, one must first frown.
  • In order to hear, one must first be deaf.
  • In order to sit, one must first stand.
  • In order to be black, one must first be white.
  • In order to walk, one must first...stand still.
Why couldn't those Chinese folks just keep it simple with "You will not die today...hopefully?" Is that really too much to ask?

I'm really getting annoyed that too much of anything either really fucking sucks, or kills you. I mean, I'm sick and I end up taking "too long" of a shit and when I stand up it feels like a burning cattle prod was shoved up my asshole. Yeah ,let that image sink in. There's no real joke here, I just kind of want you to have that picture in your head for a few minutes.

I saw Pride this weekend though. It was about black people who, against all stereotypes, can water. Now I couldn't tell if it was CGI, Green Screen or some of that camera wizardry you see in then Quentin Tarantino films, but I'm pretty sure they were in some sort of water. Up until this movie I thought black people swimming was impossible, like a selfless Jew, intelligent Christian, or a childless Catholic. Terrence Howard, you sneaky bastard, you got me.

When you're sick, taking a shower is like the ejaculation of the body...not to be confused with ejaculation ON the body, which is something that happens to a teenage girl's face almost weekly.

One of these days I'm going to go to Hollywood Video and rent every noir film, along with every movie on this list and watch at least one a day until I get to Citizen Kane. Also, I'll probably throw in They Live and Network because they're just that damn good.

  1. Saturday, they ran a Hanna Montana commercial in Spanish on some Mexican channel promoting her 3D movie/concert thing...that's pretty much the joke, I mean, I can't make fun of something like that.
  2. Daft Punk played the Grammys with Kanye West(That mofo keeps shit real) on their first television appearance in 14 years. It was fan-fucking-tastic. Check it out here.
  3. The Writers' Guild of America have reached a TENTATIVE Strike Agreement.
  4. David Blaine likes to amaze gay people now so...uhh...props to him?
  5. And of course, Celine Dion is Fucking Amazing.
Also, my friends have no fucking idea what RSVP means as far as making sure they're included in a future plan goes...I'm going to have to teach them what's what.

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