Thursday, February 7, 2008

Day 14

Maybe I like this because House is very much like me, or because I'm Half Life 2 nerd...the point is, it's awesome.

Line of the week: I like my coffee how I like my -Me in front of Walmart.

For the record, I decided to give up Catholicism for lent.

Monday night I went to the Hobby Center downtown with my family and saw Jersey Boys, the musical about the history of Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons, it was absolutely hilarious and extremely well written. The audience, which had the average age of death, went crazy the moment Sherry, Oh What a Night, and Can't Take My Eyes Off You were sung...and like me, decided it would be a good idea to sing along. Afterwards, we went home and I watched Conan O'Brien fight Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart. Check it out here.

According to Facebook, I have a birthday coming up in a couple weeks, so I think I'm just going to invite a few friends to grab some dinner and then check out Paul Varghese at The Houston Improv. Then, if we're feeling adventurous, we'll go to my house for milkshakes and cookie cake as we watch Love Actually.

I saw Rambo last night, and I have very mixed feelings about it. The beginning of the movie was alright until the first missionary started talking. His voice was so awkward and jarring that it completely ruined the next twenty minutes. Then, the idiot missionaries attract attention to the village because they're idiots and cause the death of at least a hundred people. Throughout these incredibly dull scenes, although only having a couple lines, most of which consist of grunts, Rambo's size and war-stressed face are nothing short of hardcore; foreshadowing his ability to do some killin'. Finally, the story just suddenly stops and we're treated to some crazy action the moment you see Rambo pull out his Bow-of-Death. I wouldn't recommend going to see it in theaters, but I do recommend seeing it if you have a penis. Top three moments of the movie?
  1. Rambo ripping some mofo's throat out with his bare hands.
  2. Rambo decapitating some unsuspecting mofo.
  3. Rambo cutting open the top mofo and pausing for effect right before he withdraws his blade, spilling out the guy's intestines.
Something else that was exposed to me while watching the movie were the masculine views, or lack-thereof, from the youth in today's society. Many kids these days look at rappers and rich people as their heroes or idols because that's all they have. We, however, grew up with Jean Claude Van Damme's crazy martial arts movies, Chuck Norris' intense action sequences, Arnold Schwarzenegger's physics-defying action and strength and Sylvester Stallone's Rambo series that are literally two hours of him killing Asian people...because he fucking can. It's a shame that all boys these days have to look up to are Soldja Boy and John McClane; those city boys just aren't the same...

Here's an interesting tidbit I recently found out while checking out what pages the most people arrive to my blog from. Apparently, one of the latest ones, seems to have come from Saudi Arabia. Normal enough right? Right. However, if you click here, you can see that he was actually Googling "Nipples 13 old". Yeah, I have a Saudi pedophile that reads my blog.

Yesterday I was reminiscing a bit about food and I realized, the first time I had Jack-In-The-Box is like the first time I ejaculated. I was elated, a little bit tired, despite my feelings I knew I had to wait another day to try it again, and I had stuff all over my hands and hair; it was a complete mess.

Referring to Monday's .gif of the Cloverfield monster, a friend of mine told me he would have beat me if he hadn't seen Cloverfield prior to seeing that animation. Which is funny because as the violence would have escalated, I probably would've ruined the rest of the movie.

Him: Hey asshole, I haven't seen the movie you're gonna pay.
Me: Shwatevah nigg.
Him: ::Punches me::
Me: What the fu-Jason dies!
Him: ::Knees me in my stomach::
Me: *cough* Marlena goes all splody!
Him: ::Head butts my chest::
Me: *Groans* We never see what happens to Lily!
Him: ::Elbows my elbow::
Me: Wait, did you just elbow my elbow? That's fucking stupid.
Him: I'm not the one writing this shit
Me: Touché
Him: I guess it's pretty redundant to continue this since the Fourth wall had been shattered.
Me: Yeah...
Him: ...
Me: ...
Him: ...
Me: ...Hud gets eaten by the monster, Haha!
Him: ::Knee to my face::

Chick-Fil-A really raises your expectations of fast food service with their peppy hellos and greetings. The only problem with that is that failure is not an option. These people have to be happy all the time, regardless of external or internal conflicts. Even if your mother was raped by your priest while your father watched tied to a chair by a duo of missionary midgets and then were both killed by a Rabbi for ironic taste, the next day you went to work, you had to greet the drive-thru line with "It's a great day today. Welcome to Chick-Fil-A, how may I help you?".

Homosexuals are sooooo gay...

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