Monday, February 4, 2008

Day 13

Cloverfield Monster

This is me ruining the Cloverfield monster for should have seen it by now, so stop your bitching.

Line of the week: "You look like Negro Chinese" -Some Chinese lady in a short story I'm reading.

Other than school and various spurts of writing, I haven't really been doing much since my last "real" update.

Saturday I woke up a little early and read a bit of Philosophy to jump start my day...and followed it up by going to Hooters for lunch with Dan. We went because our friend Danielle works there, so we had to support her and her fellow blue-eye-shadowed co-workers. The food, as per the Hooters creed, was as delicious as breast milk. My sister didn't end up going to work because she had her Sadie Hawkins dance that night.

For those of you not in "the know", Sadie Hawkins is where the girls ask the guys out to the dance, and the guys have to then finger her into unconsciousness....yeah, no thanks there toots.

I downloaded a four-hour Gabriel & Dresden mix from Iceland in '06, and it fueled my continuously growing desire to go to Club Space in Ibiza and see Carl Cox, the King of Clubs, deck his shit out until 6am.

Now I'd like to mention something that I've been meaning to write about for a week now, but every time I begin to think about it, I get caught up in my rage and can't type. As many of oyu know, I hate the Consumerism that has swept over the world since the late 80s. This is because, as the consumerism grows, the education declines. People are now more preoccupied with their fucking cell phones than with books and education, and the parents that buy their kids PSPs and Blackberries are just as bad, but that's for another topic on bad parenting.

Last weekend, two movies opened in theaters all over the US. One of these movies is a sequel to one of the greatest action series known to man; the other is a pathetic disgraceful attack to comedy and intelligence. That's right, I'm talking about Rambo and Meet the Spartans.

The part that really fucking pisses me off, is that Meet the Spartans made twice as much money, if not more, than Rambo. WHAT THE FLYING FUCK IS THIS ABOUT?! As if the two disgraceful directors didn't fuck us up the ass with a telephone pole enough with Date Movie and Epic Movie, they thought it necessary to bring the series back for yet another societal failure. The worst part is that this movie, if you can call it that, made most of its money the same way politicians get to be presidential nominees...through the uneducated with power (Or in this case, money) . The people who threw away millions of dollars are the same people who are the future of America! These fucking dipshits are the 12-16 year old idiots who also made Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia stars. These idiots are what is wrong with the world and America alike.

If you've seen the movie and you're reading this, I would like to say to you personally (And this is real, I would say this in front of a judge as these are my real feelings and I type this in complete sincerity) I hope you die before the age of 22. I hope you, your best friend who went to see the movie with you and if you have one, your first born child, all get hit by a drunk driver. Don't drive? I honestly wish with all my might that you get Cancer, or get shot in the next school shooting, or you get run over by a neighbor. I honestly and truly hope that the next time you drink you die of either alcohol poisoning or you choke on your own vomit and choke to death. I want to see every single parent, child, cousin, friend, spouse, smoker, and person who saw Meet the Spartans with any intention other than to formally review it, to die before they reach the age of 22. Maybe if I'm lucky some of you will go to Iraq and get killed in an ambush or a car bomb or something similar...I hate you more than I hate that prick Chris Crocker.

Like I was saying, an abomination to mankind like Soldja Boy is to hip hop. It's appalling and is destroying what's left of American morality. This is the kind of thing that keeps me awake at night, not the bullshit of being lonely or not making money like all the other idiots out there. I'm not the only one out there who thinks this either, here are a couple links where you can see more reviews:
Link 1
Link 2

All in all, what does the fact that Meet the Spartans made more than Fifty dollars tell me? That America is done. The future, the youth, the supposedly intelligent have given up. No more do we look for real comedy like George Carlin, Mel Brooks, Eddie Murphy, and a few others, we now celebrate the mediocrity of John C. Reilly, Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia, Andy Samberg, recent Will Ferrel and movies like Dodgeball, Walk Hard, Hot Rod, The Benchwarmers, and Talladega Nights.

All you fucking people disgust me...

I hate how abortion jokes are always only a hit-or-miss deal, there's never a gray area for them.

The Super Bowl was alright, the game was rather anti-climatic until the Giants scored the game winning touchdown. As for the commercials? They were terrible; some were so bad that no one knew what they were trying to sell. I've mentioned a few of them here and if you think the description is boring, wait until you see the actual video:
  • Iron Man looks fucking delicious...
  • Pandas with Chinese accents.
  • Carlos Mencia still needs to be strung up with barbed wire by the balls above a pit of HepC filled needles.
  • Shaq as a horse jockey.
  • Doritos commercial with the guy in a rat suit...I liked it mostly because of the ruthless punching at the end.
  • Surprisingly enough, the Carmen Electra commercial was awful; here I was expecting an Emmy nomination.
  • E*Trade's talking baby was a strange mix weirdly hilarious.
  • Bud Light commercials are officially the Herpes of the Super Bowl, they had their logo at the end of every other commercial, on the cheerleaders' tits, the players' helmets, and on the nipples of the old naked fans in the stands.
I wonder how drunk you would get if you had a shot of liquor every time Joe Buck said "Here's a guy...".

My birthday is this month apparently. Ironically enough, it is also Black History Month. January needs to be Black History Month, I mean, MLK Jr. has his day in January, he needs to stop being so greedy and share the whole thing with his people he "cares so much about".

I'm too pissed about Meet the Spartans to even end this...fuck it.

No comments: