Day 65

Why do some people insist on getting in the way of true love?

Line of the Week: You could rape me, lol -My stalker


Did you know that wood cutting and circumcisions are basically the same thing? It's cutting something long and hard to make it more accessible for everyone.

On that note, I'd like to apologize for the lack of updates with a list of excuses of why the lack of update:

• My hand hurt, like a bunch of times.
• People are boring.
• My jaw feels weird.
• I went to Mexico for three days.
• I've been working and stuff.
• Drugs and Alcohol are my most important vices.
• I bought some foreign films.
• I'm too popular and people don't leave me alone to hang out with them.
• I can't turn down horny chicks.
• I refuse to do a 3 paragraph update.
• My laptop is messing up

Worry not though, because next week I will be building myself a new desktop and all will be well. I'll probably be on the computer a lot more and will finally get a chance to get more writing done.

Lately I've been wanting to do some kinky stuff like go to the house of the guy who owns every mustard ever made and replace each bottle with that yellow ketchup they've invented for kids...I don't know if people can die from sadness, but I'm sure willing to try!

I watched Star Trek a few times and REALLY liked it, but it felt really familiar. Most of the beginning is the introduction to the characters, but after a planet implodes, shit just hits the fan. At one point, Kirk gets marooned on Hoth to talk to Yoda because Degobah was just destroyed, so they talk to Obi Wan and he gets him on his way. Oh, and at some point they're meeting up with the Rebel Alliance, only to find out that it was a trap...such fools! If only Admiral Ackbar was there to warn them...

I may have mentioned something about my stalker before, but this time, it's serious...ly awesome! I was getting off work when I got the usual text from her asking what I was up to. I was about to go do a bunch of homework for my last week of classes before finals so I sent "About to go rape my homework three different ways, you?" Where most chicks would send an acknowledgement and stop messaging me, she promptly replied with "You could rape me, lol." Yes, this is 100% true and this is my life. Some of you already may know this story because I've been telling everyone to now call me "The Consensual Rapist." I think it has a nice ring to it, and it fits me and a couple coworkers' motto "It's not sex if there's no tears."

Here's a less-than-mediocre survey someone made on/for Facebook and despite it not being as funny as the one I did when I first started this site, I already filled it out and I'm not going to throw away any more minutes of my life. It's a "Have you ever..." type of survey so read it accordingly:
Kissed any one of your facebook friends? Yes, some I even kissed with my penis!
Been arrested? No, I don't get caught.
Solicited sex? Not yet.
Been solicited by another? Yes.
Kissed someone you didn't like? She had big tits.
Slept in until 5 PM? No, I do shit with my life.
Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes
Held a snake? No
Ran a red light? No
Been suspended from school? No
Totaled your car/motorbike in an accident? No, and who the hell says "motorbike?" I've never heard anyone say "motorbike" and continued to listen to them.
Been fired from a job? Again, I don't get caught.
Sang karaoke? Yes, Afroman - Because I Got High...
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? No, the only obstacle in my life is physics and rape and murder being illegal.
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? No, my body does what I tell it to do, WHEN I tell it to.
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Who cares.
Kissed in the rain? This is stupid.
Played strip poker? I'm amazed I've gotten this far.
Flown on a plane? Yes
Been on a cruise? I bet the person who made this survey thinks I Love Lucy caused the current destruction of morality in society....
Have any regrets in life? Hahahaha......no, I shine like gold, mofo.
Sang in the shower? Among many other things, Yes.
Sat on a rooftop? Please rephrase the question, I'm not sure what it means.
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? Again, I have no clue what this means.
Broken a bone? No
Cracked a bone? That's practically the same goddamn thing as the last one.
Shaved your head? No, I have a big penis, I don't need to compensate.
Blacked out from drinking? Oh. My. God. Yes...Russian chicks are fucking awesome.
Played a prank on someone? Yes
Felt like killing someone? Haha, talk about a loaded question.
Made your girlfriend cry? Not unless she deserved it.
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? Fuck you, you racist.
Been in a band? No.
Shot a gun? Yes...oh, wait, just shot it at no one? No.
Tripped on mushrooms? Not yet.
Donated Blood? I've yet to find someone, aside from Jane Seymour and Maureen Dowd, that meets the specifications required for me to give them life.
Eaten alligator meat? Only if that's what Chicken McNuggets are made of...mmmmmm.
Eaten kangaroo meat? Who the fuck thought this would be a good question?
Eaten cheesecake? Yes
Still love someone you shouldn't? This actually managed to be worse than the cracked/broken bones one. I really hope the creator of this survey is in a hospital ER that has run out of morphine...

As you know, I work at Studio Movie Grill and had to move chairs from one theater to another because we're too cheap to get new chairs when another one of my great ideas hit me in my mind-grapes like my great ideas tend to do: I should open up a handicapped-only movie theater, that way, I would cut down maintenance and production costs by never having to install any seats! Everyone would be in their own wheelchair and if you only had like a cast, you'd be required to bring your own chair. But you'd have to be separate from the REAL cripples...I think I could be the first business owner to establish handicapped segregation and would probably get a trophy or a fancy medal for doing so.

My sister recently graduated high school and because I couldn't get out of attending, I decided to spread my discontent through the magic of Twitter. Here's all the entries I sent and around what time I sent them...as you can guess, they were very popular on Facebook:

3:23 - The band began practicing the Indiana Jones theme song and a girl below me turned to her family in disgust and said: Ugh, it's Star Wars...
3:29 - Note to Future Wife: If you chew gum with your mouth open, I WILL break your jaw...but know that it's only because I love you.
3:46 - Not too bad so far, really loving the amount of MILFs I'm seeing...and yes, that includes some of the teachers...
3:51 - Some ROTC kids were introduced to remember their classmates...apparently some students died doing geometry homework or something.
3:57 - The valedictorian asked all to pray & 3 different babies began crying...proof that even in our uncorrupted youth, we know something's up...
4:05 - Note to Possible Future Daughter: Chew gum during graduation and your college money is going to buy me my own Great American Cookie store...
4:11 - Haha, the Asian kids have the least amount of cheers because Chinese people are so quiet...if only they had a cheer app on their iPhones...
4:14 - Awww, black kids get the loudest cheers because most of them don't graduate...so sad...
4:20 - Despite those long robes doing their best, you can still notice the ugly truth of childhood obesity...for shame...
4:35 - I really want two kids to have the same exact name and have their families cheer for the wrong kid, haha.
4:39 - Some kid had the last name, Mistry, and it sounded JUST like Mystery, which would be a fucking badass last name!!
4:54 - While most people Twitter movies, E3 or special events, I do high school graduations For The epic Wolf...I'm the news anchor of mediocrity!
5:19 - In conclusion, graduations are a melting pot for people from all over the world with too much makeup and attitude.

Maybe it's just me but I love how peeing in the shower is one of those rare and beautiful moments in life where you feel both clean and dirty at the same time...so magical...

I've been thinking about it a lot and I genuinely can't decide who I despise more, fat people or people who baby-talk to babies. For your information, your kids are mediocre because you made dolphin sounds to them until they were five. Parents are fucking stupid.

Like I stated earlier, I went to Monterrey where not much happened except getting three wisdom teeth removed...yeah, it fucking sucked. You know what's worse though? I couldn't eat solids and wasn't allowed to lift anything or stay up late...like a baby or elderly person, although in my case it's probably an insane elderly person with a severe case of senility. The only good thing that came out of the trip, aside from the drugs, was the time I had to myself to think those crazy thoughts that make everyone laugh.

I pulled an all-nighter the day before we left so I would sleep while everyone else drove, and only woke up to eat Burger King. One thing I noticed about eating on road trips is how unhappy everyone is while they're eating. A car full of people my age drove by eating Whatburger and as every single one of them had their mouths full of cholesterol and fat, they simply looked off into the distance with the most depressed and self-loathing looks possible...a look that only Karen Carpenter would understand.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno is only now hitting theaters in Mexico under the title Let's Make a Porno, and the fantastic tagline: We should all make one... Gotta love translations.

The surgeries weren't too bad except the first and third one, where the dentist used twelve, that's right, twelve different tools to take out one tooth. It was absolutely insane. Milk - 1, Contemporary Medicine - 0. Similarly, but not, I never realized how awesome it felt to spit up blood. Immediately after my surgery I kept on hoping someone would walk in the office looking for a fight so I could spit out some blood and say "So you're the next guy? eh, alright."

I also learned that I hate dubbed movies more than anything else in the world, and that's including girls who don't swallow or people who think barbed-wire tattoos are hardcore. I highly recommend you burn the next person you see watching one.

Due to the fact that I was in minor pain, which I hate, the entire I weekend, I figured it would be as good a time as any other to start a bucket list. Now, I only have a few entries so far, but believe you me(I don't know what that means either), I'll be working on it.

Bucket List as of 6/17/09

1. Openly sell pirated movies in front of the corporate building of a major studio...in VHS format.
2. Urinate on someone's foot in the adjacent stall in a public restroom and see how long I can do it before I have to run away.
3. Get paid for sex in three different currencies. Does not have to be in one session.
4. Sell pirated DVDs of pirated DVDs. Complete with a silhouette of me walking in front of the camera to use the restroom, get the door, make some food, and if there's a nude scene in the film, touch myself continually.

That's it for now, until next time, may your women be loose and tight at the same time. I'll leave you with the best life coach money can buy:

It doesn’t fit in a Rolodex because it doesn’t belong in a Rolodex!

Day 64

This poster was made by god...straight up.

Line of the Week (Months?): Let's go see some naked daughters and moms!! -Liz Lemon on going to a strip club


Before I begin, I have to apologize again because I told you during my last update that I would be coming back and then I went and didn't post for over a month, my bad, my blunder...I'm such a fucking asshole. My last final is tomorrow and after that I'll be free to post and post and post. Also, my social life has been picking up so I'm now I've been given more chances to drink from the volcano and some more interesting topics should start popping up.

When I was on my way to the Up screening, I turned into the theater's parking garage and was stopped by an ambulance and a pair of cop cars and like a dozen other men in uniform all huddled around something. As I was motioned to turn back and take the rear entrance (That's what she said), I noticed that they were standing around a dead body...and one with it's show several feet away no less. I then followed the gaze of some of the cops to the top of the parking garage where other cops were standing...that's right, this shoe-less mofo jumped off the building probably less than half an hour before I arrived. Just my luck, eh? Because of some selfish, now dead, douche bag, I had to turn around, get stuck in traffic for another ten minutes and then was forced to park on the second floor, ugh.

If there's anything more annoying than a suicidal person, and believe me they're annoying, it's a selfish suicidal person. He could have killed himself with a building that didn't have car coming in and out so often or just do what everyone else does and take a shitload of pills, but no, not this guy. This one had to be a selfish fucker and kill himself in front of a fucking parking garage entrance...I hope his family and friends are left in debt because of him.

I would like to state that old people are not allowed to complain about where they're going and/or sitting if they can't walk without assistance. That is all.

I've been watching a lot of fat people lately because, well, they're kinda hard to miss, both literally and figuratively. It's interesting how there are only two kinds of fat people, although I have yet to determine the level of weight that distinguishes one from the other. Some of them, usually the regular fat people, you know, those that smuggle tires under their skin and always smell really bad, are always happy no matter what happens. They're just the nicest and most ecstatic people ever and you just want to hug them...you know, if it was possible. Then there are the really fat people, the ones that swing their arms to get their feet in front of them, sometimes use scooters and often complain about how far they have to walk to the theater (Where they'll sit down and eat for the next TWO FUCKING HOURS), who are always angry. They hate the food, the movie, the server and especially their chair. Well I'm sorry that my theater's chair is only designed to fit one human being, not the equivalent of three pigs, one cow and a rhinoceros.

Then they begin to complain about everything and the thing is, for being such big...things or whatever, they have really high-pitched voices that, when mixed with their large bodies, literally make them sound like the Dory from Finding Nemo. Once they're done complaining and finally take the 40min walk back to their cars in the Handicapped spot, and drive away. This is where the real fun begins, psychologically speaking that is. You see, these Fatty McFattisons are the assholes in minivans that are so weighed down they look like they just came out of a Mexican chop shop are the ones driving 20mph above the speed limit. It took me a little bit to figure out why they did so, but I eventually understood. These people are used to walking so slow it's like they're standing still but vibrating towards their destinations, causing them to drive fast with the windows down and feel the speed (Like running for normal people). So next time you see a fat person speeding, make sure you wave to them and let them know that you know how fat they are and feel.

I almost broke my penis when I rolled over my morning wood last week...scary!

I was at Studio Movie Grill last week and I'm pretty sure Matthew Perry was cast in 17 Again to remind the public how much of a fat, annoying and talentless individual he is...in other news, Zac Efron is no longer a douche. Partly because he kisses a MILF and partly because he can actually act, enough said.

A girl I know is doing cocaine because her friend began smoking weed again...



...yes, you read that right. To be honest, I'm not friends with her because of her intelligence or personality, or lack-thereof (did anyone NOT see that line coming?). I mean, I get that most girls are obviously less intelligent than men because their brains are smaller (Scientific fact), but she has got to be almost borderline retarded. Normally I'd shut up and stick my penis in her but some bitch this mentally incapacitated CANNOT possibly make good life decisions...who knows what she's got inside of her.

I don't know what I find more annoying, a fat person complaining about how far they have to walk or a fat person opting to get diet coke at Jack in the Box but putting forth the extra 40 cents for curly fries...

Apparently, Oprah bought all of America dinner, except for me, recently. Did she buy everyone some pizza? Maybe some delicious burgers or healthy sandwhiches? No. KFC. In case you're wondering, the coincidence was not lost on me. Here is a woman who's fought her entire life to disprove all black stereotypes that could be put on her and then she goes and buys America food from a place where blacks congregate? For shame...

While we're on the topic of congregation areas for blacks, the economy is actually managing to make all black people worse at defying their stereotypes. Take this little story for example:

Like I said, school's over and I'll be working and going out, so adventures and social disgust will be plentiful and provide ample material for this 'ol blog of mine. I'll leave you this time with...THIS!!

The Original


The Sequel


The Finale

Day 63

You just got BACON'd!!

Line of the week (month?): Girl - She texted me "You really touched my heart"
Me - You should text her back "Would you like me to touch something else?"


First things first: As you can tell, I'm very seriously contemplating making this into a monthly blog, but then I'd be like Maddox and only update once a year. Now, second things second: I've started a Twitter account so I can remember funny thoughts and share them instantly, most of which I'll elaborate on every week on here. It's the best way to keep up with what's happening on my mind-grapes. To check it out, my account name thing is @TheGreaterTruth.

I bought a new book (The Winner by David Baldacci if you must know) and aside from those few nights where I have time to read before I pass out from exhaustion, I tend to read at least one chapter every time I poop...which has been doubling as a very nice way to count hot many times I've pooped in a week. I'm thinking about making a spreadsheet of it and see what foods make me "read" longer.

I went to Monterrey (Mexico) for the first half of my spring break and literally did nothing but eat, drink and read...oh I and I went to a flea market and bought pirated DVDs of movies I liked but didn't feel were worth more than five dollars:

• The Dark Knight
• Che: The Argentine (Not on DVD Yet)
• RockNRolla
• Flashbacks of a Fool
• Appaloosa
• The Foot Fist Way
• Ping Pong Playa
  

Each one was about two dollars and all were pristine DVD quality, hell, TDK, PPP and TFFW had special features and shit. Gotta love international travel. Does this qualify me as a smuggler? I hope so.

One my last night I was watching a movie, Efectos Secundarios, with one of the roommates and one of the characters made a comment I had never heard of. Apparently, saying you're "self-employed" in Spanish is the same thing as saying you masturbate...interesting, eh? On a different note, maybe it's the air but ejaculating in a different country always feels kinky and risky...I love it.

I'm currently "following" the ever-so-delicious Fran Drescher on Twitter...jealous? You should be.

Facebook got a new layout and I wouldn't mind it so much if people's status updates didn't solely consist of bible verses, song quotes and weak attempts to be philosophical (Mary Is flying in the dreams of others). If only there was an application to block them...

Last weekend, Knowing came out and killed a bunch of people with awesome long takes, CGI fire and bad music. It was pretty cool until all this aliens bullshit came up and everyone started saying they were angels. Oh, and the kids at the end running towards a CGI tree in a sea of CGI tentacles was also pretty annoying. Any filmmaker, nay, screenwriter, that is working on a script right now and thinks that putting in religious parallels where people walk out saying "Where they aliens or where they angels?" makes the story seem smart, it doesnt. It's not open to interpretation, it's lazy. Write an original ending, instead of copying off a book half the fucking world has read, and stick with it.

Why does a brothel always sound like some sort of Jewish soup? Maybe they're the same thing...

Through a random text message I received on Wednesday, I was asked to prom by my stalker. I said yes to the post-prom sex but no to the dance...I have yet to receive a reply.

I had a dream last night where I was having lunch with Ang Lee (Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Brokeback Mountain) and he had some serious OCD problems with the placement of the table and he was teaching me something about video games using holes in the ground and different sized erasers...even Freud would be like "Vat ze fuck?"

While eating at Chic-Fil-A, I saw three cars with handicapped stickers/people on them and noticed that all three were fat. Then I realized that almost every single crippled person I've ever seen (Not "met", I don't associate myself with those kinds of people) is fat. This sickens me. Not being able to walk isn't an open invitation to rape every McDonalds and Jack-In-The-Box in town.

I'll leave you with the three best trailers of 2009 so far, in order from "OMG OMG OMG" to "Looks pretty good".
Where The Wild Things Are


Give 'em Hell, Malone


Taking Woodstock

Day 62

Line of the Week: What time do you start throwing out donuts? -Tina Fey on 30 Rock

Let me begin by confirming that it is in fact my 21st birthday today. Being 21 means I can do all the shit I've been doing since middle school...except in public now...minus the masturbation.

While in my intriguing Biology class the other day, and on the one day I arrive late and have to sit next to some tall weird foreign kid, the blond girl next to me did an extraordinary thing. She managed to make the entire class think "What the fuck?" so hard you could feel it. As our professor was rambling on about nucleotides and proteins and whatnot, she interjects and says the following:
"This is kinda random, but I heard on the radio that Green Tea can prevent AIDS. Is that true?"
I actually choked on my water for a second before I realized that it was not a hallucination. This is America's future...maybe suicide isn't such a big sin after all...

I recently had a multicultural dinner, I ate Japanese food being cooked by a black person with white people who were talking about where to get the best Chinese food...which means I couldn't make ANY racist comments about anyone. Hell, there was a gay too, and he wasn't having any Milk jokes, so I just sat silently and made fun of the people with the ugly baby behind us...justice is served? No, but my Teryaki chicken was delicious.

I think people really need to stop using the word trifecta so much, it's retarded, overused and not funny...yeah, you thought I was gonna use it too, didn't you? If you did, you probably used it today and thought it sounded nice.

Like most of you peoples noes, I work at Studio Movie Grill, where we have food and shit. I'm the box office guy so I know what's selling and what isn't. That said, the only movie we got last weekend was Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail. How his movie makes more money than The Reader I'll never know...oh wait, because people are collectively retarded.

One thing I noticed was that we sold out all showings of Madea goes to Jail except the 4:30 showing and it took me a second to realize why, but then I remembered that the shifts at KFC and McDonalds don't end until. Also, I've recently completed this data:

Paul Blart : White Families
Madea Goes to Jail : Black Families
Meet the Spartans : Groups of Teenagers
The Jonas Brothers in 3D : Groups of Kids
---------------------------------------------
Conclusion - Anyone in a group with more than 3 people can be considered a full-retard, to the point that genocide is acceptable.

A friend of mine recently used the simile: Snore like a whale, and it got me thinking my usual thought-process which I will reveal only because it's my b-day:
Snores like a whale? whale's live underwater. water has no air. air is needed for sound to travel. you can't hear underwater. you can't be raped underwater because no one could hear you say no. How do water-dwelling animals make sound then? How does it go anywhere? Dory being able to talk whale was so bullshit. Finding Nemo was overrated, The Incredibles was better. Pixar's pretty badass. Cars was boring though. It almost put me to sleep. Do whales even snore?

My aunt needed me to take her to the doctor's office last week and I had to stop at the same intersection on the way back as I did on the way not back. The first time I had to shoo away some short Mexican guy because I didn't have any money...to waste...on him. Then, on the way back, he comes up to me again and calls me "bro" and asks if I had any money now. I let him know immediately that I didn't have any goddamn money to give to the Cholo Charity Fund and that if I did, I'd rather show it to him, get a Chocolate Overload Cake from Jack-In-The-Box and eat it in front of him. Granted, I was drinking out of my water bottle while I said it so he probably just heard "Nope, haha, no money this time, sorry!", but I think he got the message.

Due to the fucking insane movies I've been watching lately, I've been thinking a bit about death and I've decided that I want my ashes to be sprinkled in the margaritas of Studio Movie Grill so all the MILFs and divorcees can have me inside of them.

Sometimes I feel like I should meet up with all my readers and see what they're like. Then I check my traffic meter and see that people get to my site by searching this. Yeah, let's keep this relationship just like this...forever...please.

The Oscars happened and aside from some awesome disses towards the the financial miss of The Reader and Ben Stiller impersonating insane Joaquin Pheonix, they were pretty boring. A few sidenotes:

• Alan Arkin...you say Seymour Philip Hoffman one more goddamn time and I'll take your undeserved Oscar from your wrinkly old fingers, you hear me?
• Jessica Biel and Tilda Swinton: What. The Fuck?
• Jack Black, tonight marks the first time you've actually made me laugh out loud.
• Fuck you, AMPAS!
  

That's it for me this time around, wish me a happy birthday, although it doesn't matter because I'm always happy regardless, and I'll leave you with these:

Day 61

So does Dumbledore...

Line of the Week: What time do you start throwing out donuts? -Liz Lemon on 30 Rock


There was no update last week, I was probably busy or under the influence or watching another movie...I was probably just watching actor interviews on YouTube though.

While at Quiznos last week, I stole 51 cents from someone. I say someone because it was in the automatic change tray and I didn't get the plasure of physically taking it from them. It was nifty and all, but because it was the mistake of someone else and not my personal sneakiness or even deviousness, it didn't have that same rush or excitment behind it. It felt wrong to receive money without taking it away from someone...don't get me wrong though, I still took it and it's in my car right now, but it just doesn't feel as right as it should.

During an intruiging and VERY late-night conversation I had with some friends, we decided that the biggest thing missing from Twilight, among many, many, many, many others, was the lack of the main character being a badass. Now I'm not talking about the ugly chick who can't act, I'm talking about the brosef who can't act. What they need to do is replace Robert Patterson with Clint Eastwood. Can you even begin to imagine how many lonely teenage girls and lonely older women would purchase a black emo shirt with the line "Get off my lawn, Jacob" on the front? They'd sell like fucking Pokemon cards, and not the new ones, I'm talking about the originals with Bulbasaur, Scyther, Dragonite, Hunter and Charizard.

It's no secret that January and February are ALWAYS a shit month for movies because they're the dumping ground for movies the studios know aren't any good. There's always one exception (Cloverfield, Taken, etc.) but usually there's only crap that attracts people with the IQs so low you wonder how they're able to feed themselves or reproduce correctly.

Last weekend(?), we received Inkheart and Underworld 3 (Yeah, I know), which brought children, which are essentially miniature retarded people, and fat, grotesque people-like beings that looks like they haven't left their parents' basement in months...and Houston doesn't even have basements! The worst part is the fatties. Oh man, they come in ready to order two full meals with dessert and always complain about their food not having enough grease. Plus, they're the only people who whine about having to walk to the back of the theater...which is maybe a difference of 30 steps. You may think I'm kidding or exaggerating but I've seen and heard it happen at LEAST a hundred times since I've started working there.

I genuinely believe that if there were anthropomorphic tomatoes alive, they would tell us that they prefer to be carried from location to location by goats. Not only that, they have the type of personality that would request to be held in bushels and round baskets as opposed to crates. Don't they seem like the kind to say stuff like that?

I was on Facebook today and noticed that they were giving away a free "gift" that was basically a card saying Thanks. I don't know if this is some sort of mass subliminal advertising to be more conformist to their ways, but it sure seems nice. In accordance to their request, I gave myself thanks for being me and always being there when I needed myself, regardless of how angry I, or myself, were. Don't believe me? Check out the screen cap I took of myself:

Beat that mofos!

As I type this, I'm sitting in my Business Computer blahblahblah class and half-listening to my professor explain to us the values of bits, bytes, kilobytes and so on. She just said that each bit is essentially a single character and asked us how many bites are in the word "LOVE," to which I stated to the people around me "None, because it doesn't exist." Good times for all...this class is dull and uninspired. If I were to give it a review I would give it no stars out of five and then proceed to do what normal people do and read Maureen Down articles from The New Yorker and Liebovitz photographs from Vanity Fair.

I saw Push last night at a screening at AMC 30 on Dunvale and Westheimer which, if you live in Houston, know that it is NOT a good theater to EVER go to. I could say "I saw a movie with a bunch of uneducated and ignorant minorities" and it would convey the exact same sentiments. Aside from the screening being sponsored by 97.9 The Box (A local rap station), posters, shirts and cups were given out by way of a mini scavenger hunt where the DJs called out the following items: Red lipstick, a blue pen and socks with holes...which translates to any person who can't afford new socks. They didn't even ask any movie trivia...dicks.

Yes, they asked for socks with holes in them, I'm not making that up...

That's about all I can conjure up for now, but look for more ridiculous nothings coming up next week! Here's the remixed version of Christian Bale cussing out the DP of Terminator Salvation: