Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Day 12

You've got it made, so stop complaining about Cloverfield bitches.

Line of the week: If carbon monoxide wasn't so bad for us, I would probably stick my penis in a lot more tailpipes. -Me to Nate in front of Fry's.

I saw Cloverfield again with Nate on Friday, and I really want to meet the little pansy fucks who had to walk out of the movie because they felt so nauseous from the camera "shaking too much". The only scene in the movie that could even be considered is a few seconds after Jason dies on the bridge and they all run to Sephora, at which point the Sephora employees came outside with free samples and touched up the actors while explaining the advantages of using Sephora-brand make up over the leading competitor's brand. I might have to go watch it again to verify those details exactly...

Later we chilled at his house and I showed him the ropes of Battlefield 2 until we decided to hit the hay (Yes, I was the big spoon). The next day I lounged around the house and at night I went to Nate's house again, went to Ken's house for a get together with delicious popcorn chicken and when we were back at Nate's house, he played BF2 while I struggled to stay awake and eventually passed out.

I don't get why kids have iPods and PSPs and shit. Not only do they not know what PSP stands for, or have the ability to spell it out if they did, but the it's been considered Sony's 'fail' since day one. Also, they don't need them...at all. Man, when I have kids, they're not getting any kind of mp3 players until middle school, and no cell phone until high school. Why? The worst kids are products of the worst parents, which are the same ones that give their children all these instant-gratification gadgets; making them unhealthy, illiterate and adds them to the list of kids and parents alike who hide behind their fake ADD diagnosis, given because they're both just way too damn impatient.

I recently came across an article on Core77 that showed me that I'm not the only person who has noticed that the cell phone companies and grammar organizations have been collaborating all too well in the past few years.

My dad recently expressed to me his desire to purchase a laptop, to which I replied "Take mine", which he considered. Yes, this means I might get to build myself a brand new desktop. The online PC parts browsing has officially begun.

These last two History classes have been really boring. All we're talking about are those damn Injuns. Now I don't hate Native Americans, I simply find them ridiculously tedious to learn about. If a Native American were to want to teach me about his culture, I just wouldn't be able to handle it:

Small Paw: Have you ever felt the sands of time be blown through the winds of wisdom?
Me: What the fuck, man? That doesn't even make sense.
SP: Then, let me explain. Do you want to hear it from the begi-
Me: Yeah...no. Look, it's not that I don't love hearing about adobe houses and the whole "Woo woo woo" sound effect, it's just that the word 'seppuku' pops into my mind every time that topic gets brought up.
SP: ...but...but...we're the basis of America and withou-
Me: Yeah, still don't care.
SP: You're an asshole.
Me: Yeah, why don't you cry me a Trail of Tears?
SP: WHAT THE FUCK?! I'm gonna scalp you in your sleep.
Me: Okay, just try not to get too much make-up...err...'War Paint' on my bed.

In History, we had to do a write a quick one page essay on one of the many advantages Europeans had over the Native Americans when conquering the Americas. One girl wrote a page and a half, and I'm not kidding about this, saying that the main reason the Europeans had an advantage over the Native Americans was because they spoke louder. When I heard my History professor say this, I started having to suppress my laughter so much that I felt like I was back in high school...not because of my feelings, but because of the intelligence level.

I would love to learn about American History in another country, especially England. I'd love to hear that interactive lecture:

Professor: Alright, let's move on to the colonization of the Americas and all that shite.
Student: Umm...I don't know if that's proper language for school...
P: Oh quit yer whinin'. What are you? An American?
S: Huh? I don't ge-
P: Oh you know bloody well what I'm talking about.
S: I really don-
P: Yeah you do. We go over to colonize the Americas, and those idiots call themselves American and start complaining like a couple of thirteen year old cunts; saying things like 'Oh, you're so mean' and 'we want to govern ourselves' and WAH-WAH-WAH.
S: That's not what it says in the book...
P: Well this is the real truth.
S: Uhhh, ok.
P: So after we got sick of their whining, we decided to just give them the damn land, and now look at it. They're hated by everyone, breed some of the stupidest children in the world, are quintessential example of corruption and invented the consumerism that is destroying our world with things like bacon-flavored bubbles.

We need to change the saying "The best thing since sliced bread" to "The best thing since perforated edges". Not only does it update it to our needs, but sliced bread isn't anything fucking special.

My first day of Macro-Economics was today. I sat next to the chick who played some stupid hunting game on her cell-phone, but was later replaced by the guy who arrived half an hour late and has the body odor that could kill a fetus. I was worried the professor was going to be exceedingly dull as the whole time we were waiting for people to arrive he just sat there looking at us in silence, but when he got up and started talking with his awesome [I think] Russian accent, he made a few jokes and kept the lecture interesting. Should be a decent class.

Is Godzilla's most famous baby named Jesuzilla? Get it? Eh? No? Damnit.

I was watching Dave Letterman tonight and his top ten list was "Top Ten things a monster would say" or something similar. One that really made me laugh was something along the lines of "I was going to destroy the country but it looks like the mortgage-rate beat me to it. Hey-ooh!!" Also, Conan shaved his Strike Beard, nothing really exciting unless you're like me and head The Official Conan O'Brien Fan Club.

I'll leave you with a link to the awesome and unique artwork and graffiti done by the one and only infamous Banksy.

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