Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Day 2

I know I'm leaving...I don't need half of a baker's dozen worth of signs to tell me that...


This week has been fuckin' weird...especially with my mind, which feels like it's been prostituting itself to everyone else's brains and when it gets back it has already had a 6-pack of Coors and doesn't want anything to do with me.

One day I feel like I can take on the world (Excluding Jean-Claude Van Damme, no one can take him) and my reflexes are at a now-time high. Then, on days like today I really couldn't care less about how ridiculously high my apathy level is, which is sometimes good because that's when I get some of my best comedy material. I think a lot of these feelings has to do with the people I interact with throughout my day, and since I now have to be at the Campus of Failures everyday at 9am to sit through three and a half hours of English with 24 other people who are so dull that even I get tired, despite being a morning person, and inevitably, like the pod-people, kill any and all emotions in the general area.

Tuesday was actually a pretty decent day, but lasted so long I could have sworn it was Thursday...if only. After class, Cameron, Nicole and Aaron came over as I began devouring my lunch to wait for The Golden Compass to start. One hour, 4 stand-up sets and an argument regarding who was driving to the theater later (which I lost), we were at Cinemark Cypress buying tickets for a movie I was surprisingly excited to see. Before we entered the theater however, I noticed a lot of posters for un-original movies and when I looked up past the Fred Clause posters that would even make little kids want to kill Santa Clause's brother (If he had one) and saw a poster with Will Ferrell...oh really?! ANOTHER Will Ferrell comedy? Thank you! You'd think all the religious organizations would start getting together and banning his movies as his extensive film career is proof enough that there is no higher deity. Oh well, at least Get Smart with Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway looks good. Also, despite the studios and directors having plenty of time to get it right, Speed Racer is going to be the bullshit movie of 2008, I mean, he doesn't even drive the car, it's all shot on blue screen, or green screen, or whatever color screens they're using these days.

*Mild Spoilers*
The Golden Compass was fan-fucking-tastic. What little respect I had for all the ignorant Christians who decided to not see it, was lost within the first ten minutes of the movie when the animators show you exactly how badass CGI can be in the right hands. The movie's negative hype about the promotion of atheism and whatnot is difficult to pick up in many parts of the movie, so all the Christian's who boycotted the movie have wasted even more of their time for nothing. The movie is great and highly entertaining, so much that it has inspired me to buy the books...just as soon as I finish James Lipton's Inside Inside. The editing leaves something to be desired, as the movie does tend to jump around from one location to another, however, if you think about it from the opposite perspective, at least there isn't any part that mimics scenes in Lord of the Rings where there is hardly any dialogue for about 15 minutes, only people walking or riding horses.

The anger that is inside me due to the ignorance, idiocies and crippling actions and opinions done by the Christian community grows every day. It's a movie, it's meant to be entertaining and should never be taken seriously...that goes for all movies.
**During the big fight at the end of the movie, watch for the clip when the doctors find Mrs. Coulter passed out on the ground and one of them totally grabs her left tit...if I was Keith Urban I would be pissed!**

After The Golden Compass I realized my stomach hadn't had anything shoved into it for almost three and a half hours so instead of going back home, we went to Jamba Juice and shit-shot for a short while before we made a stop at Half Price Books and watched Superbad at my house for some much-needed comedy. You really can't beat my generation's high school remakes, especially one so real as Superbad.

You never hear the word 'semite' without the anti- prefix....why is that?

Afterwards, I reluctantly go with them to the Chipotle between the Starbucks we were at the night before and the Jamba Juice we had deserted only three hours prior...fucking adventurers I hang out with. If they were set out by Thomas Jefferson to help him carry out the Manifest Destiny, nothing would have been achieved.

Thomas Jefferson: Hey, I need ya'll to do me a favor, this God character told me we need to take over every piece of land this place has to offer, so I need you to go past that street and what looks like a Jamba Juice over there and map it out for me, take as long as you need.
My Friend #1: Alright, sounds cool, we always hang out around that street anyways, I guess we could explore some other stuff...
My Friend #2: I don't think streets have been invented, that's just a tree that recently fell over.
My Friend #3: Did you hear it fall?
MF#1: Don't you dare start that shit again! It wasn't funny the first time, it's not funny now, let it go!
[Cut to 3 months later]
MF#2: Hey, Mr. Jefferson, hee hee hee. We're back.
TJ: Why do you always laugh when you address me that way?
MF#2: You'll see why in the 80's...
TJ:
Whatever, let me see the map.
....
.........
All you did was draw was that there is a Jamba Juice, a nail salon, a Starbucks and a Chipotle that uses tree bark as a main ingredient (A recipe that will never change).
MF#1: Yeah, well we don't want to leave our comfort zone...
TJ:
YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING IN 3 MONTHS!!
MF#3: We tried every single thing possible at every location and we're quite content with our expedition.
TJ: AGHHHH!!
MF#2: You ok there?
TJ: Yeah...sigh...I'm going to go home, I'm so mad I could fuck a slave right now...

This is the second time I have ever gone to Chipotle, and like the first time, it was fucking disgusting. I hate how white people tell me I'm weird because I don't like the least authentic Mexican food on the planet. Taco Bell is closer to Mexican than that piece-of-shit place is. One of the best parts is that the meat they claim is barbacoa, is actually one of my favorite Mexican meats, and the stringed spicy shit they serve there looks, tastes, smells, sounds or even talks like real barbacoa. The fact of the matter is, unless you've eaten at a hole-in-the-wall place in Mexico, you don't know what Mexican food tastes like.

Today consisted of me driving home after class with my English book next to me, passing street lamps and power poles (A good name for a Polish Superhero group) who constantly taunted me...I contemplated running into one just to teach the rest of them a lesson, but I decided against it since something in the back of my head, probably the place where my mullet used to be, told me that it could kill me...and I already planned my death.

Assuming I don't die beforehand, if I live to the stale, disgusting age of 70, I plan to rent a large truck that crumbles easily and drive as fast as possible straight into a bus full of children. That's right, my death will be making the front page of both the Houston Chronicle and The Irony Gazette with the headline reading "Older Generation takes down bus full of uneducated New Generation with smile on face".

That's about all that has happened, although I just noticed a picture of Sarah Vowell on the cover of my English book...do you know who she is? Of course you don't, you don't read any good books, you read the comedy writings of a 19 year old Houstonian who buys motivation books to motivate him to buy himself a self-help book (Which is actually an oxymoron).

I'm gonna make myself some Chicken Pot Pie (It's so delicious it needs to be capitalized) and start putting some text on something I'm supposed to be writing.

4 comments:

Nicole said...

Sounds like your friends pretty much suck. Why do you even hang out with them?!

Dave said...

"TJ: Yeah...sigh...I'm going to go home, I'm so mad I could fuck a slave right now..."

oh how i love the allusion. haha

Anonymous said...

Chicka chicka yeaaaaaa!!!

William said...

THANK GOD SOMEBODY SAID SOMETHING ABOUT THAT SHIT TASTING GOD FORSAKEN "AUTHENTIC MEXICAN RESTAURANT" THEY CALL CHIPOTLE!