Thursday, December 27, 2007

Day 4


In case you're wondering what happens when it rains, there's also disappearing umbrellas


I write this
at 2:37am, tired and shaking because I'm downstairs with no socks on and I haven't felt my big toe in what seems like (and actually is) 2 hours. I just finished three hours of writing a paper for my English class that's due tomorrow, and thought that the best way to wind down before I go to sleep would be to write...for this blog...sigh

I saw Juno today with Leah, Nicole, her sister and some other wide-eyed child friend of hers. Before the movie began, I saw that Emily Stonebrook was sitting in the theater as well. I'll leave that alone, and let those of you who know her insert comedic and/or sarcastic comments [here]...wait, nevermind, put them [here] instead, I need to keep this space in accordance to the Feng Shui books I've never read.

Overall, Juno was one of the best movies I've seen all year. It tops my list of "Movies that should be nominated for Golden Globes or Academy Awards based on the overall awesomeness of the film or just how unique the name is" and am very glad I saw it. Not only is the dialogue hilarious, the language they use is almost a parody of the idiocies that come out of our mouths every day. I can only hope that it isn't quoted to death much like Napoleon Dynamite was. The characters in the movie each provide a different type of comedy, while still containing a decent amount of depth that makes you really get into it. The soundtrack is also fantastic, and I'm pleased to say that there isn't really anything I didn't like about the movie. 9.5/10

I'm sick of my hair and its awkward length. It's too short to just let it fall down and be all shaggy-like, yet it's too long to slap on some gel, spike it up in a VERY specific angle where I take out my protractor to make sure the spikes don't exceed 51 degrees, lest I look weird and whatnot, so it's just uncomfortable. If anything, it reminds me of that autistic kid in every few families, you know? He's so good at math he could build a replica to-scale of the WTC with just a picture and a box full of phone chargers, but he's too uncoordinated to walk in a straight line or ride a bike...so my hair is like an autistic kid.

I leave you all with a survey I did a couple days ago taken from Hipstomp and merged with another sent to me on Myspace; creating a hybrid HipSpace survey:

I'm never going to be a comedy writer with shit like that...

1. Tell me something obvious about you.
I use my muscles to contract or expand around my bones to move...

2. Tell me something about you that many don't know.
I find the mom from Married with Children incredibly sexy.

3. What is your biggest fear?
All my fears are small...sometimes,to piss them off I put them in Tupperware containers and throw them in the freezer for a day or two.

4. Do you normally go the safe route or take the short cut?
Neither, I'd prefer to either stay home if it's going to be THAT complicated, or just let someone else drive.

5. Name one thing you want that you can't buy with money.
Apparently slaves have been discontinued...

6. What is your most treasured possession?
My laptop hard drive...it's where all my comedy is.

7. What is the one thing you hate most about yourself that you do often?
Eat fast food...I'm pretty sure I have just barely enough blood in my cholesterol to keep me alive.

8. Tell me something sexually about you that I don't know.
I've masturbated to every single one of The spice Girls.

9. Tell me something sexually about you that everyone knows.
My penis occasionally goes into women...and it's not always their vagina.

10. What is your favorite lie to tell?
“Maybe the food made you tired, besides, I don't even know what a roofie is!!”

11. Name something you've done once that you can't wait to do again.
Get Jamie Lynn Spears pregnant during a confusing rape extravaganza...

12. Are you the jealous type?
No...it's impossible to be jealous if they're both rotting in the bayou behind my house....

13. What is the one person, place or thing you can't say no to?
Dentists...never pick an argument with the guy who puts knives and lasers into your mouth.

14. What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you?
Pity sex.

15. If you could do something crazy right now, what would it be?
Eat...BETWEEN MEALS!! I could spoil my appetite! (I know it's crazy, but I'm not going to change who I am)

16. When was the last time you cried?
When I saw that Will Ferrel is coming out with another "comedy".

17. When was the last time you felt so good that nothing else mattered?
The last time I saw George Carlin's Life is Worth Losing HBO Special.

18. Do you feel comfortable in public with no shirt on?
Only if everyone else has theirs on...

19. Name something embarrassing you did while being drunk.
Told her I'd remember her name and I would call her back as soon as I got the chance to.

20. When you're at the grocery store do you used the self checkout?
If by "self checkout" you mean go up to those security mirrors and look myself up and down, then yes.

21. Return the cart?:
Yes and no, I return the cart, but not to the cart return, I'm the guy who puts it in between two parking spaces so that no one will park there without having go move it first.

22. What is your relationship status? (single, taken...etc.)
etc.

23. Has anyone ever sang to you?:
Well I had a song written about me...Seal wrote it, it's called "Amazing".

24. Has anyone ever given you roses? when?:
Yes, yesterday, but they were dead and had a picture of me with my face crossed out...

25. If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?:
Lets just say that if I was in a prison complex and had to fight my way out using a 2 foot long knife, the only problem I would have is getting physically tired...

26. Who do you text the most?:
...the Notepad document...(Props to anyone who gets that)

27. What does your last incoming text say?:
Seven days... -GTGR (Gregg the Grim Reaper)

28. What does your last outgoing text say?:
Does that include Christmas? Reply back ASAP.

29. What is your favorite color?:
I don't like any of them, they cause too much violence, fill up jails, and rape women. Unless you mean the other colors, like blue, I like blue.

30. What is a compliment you receive way too often?:
Quoted from the last time I received it (Last night) "Hahahaha, I forgot how funny you were"

31. How tall are you?:
6ft...give-or-take 2 feet.

32. Where is the furthest place you've traveled?:
New York...sigh...to be there again...

33. Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep?:
Both (Sleat), it's very difficult to master, but once you've got it down a whole new world of endless possibilities opens up.

34. Do you look more like your mom or your dad?:
Like a male version of my mom, but weaker.

35. How long does it take you to shower?:
Regular shower: 13 minutes
Post-Paintball Shower: 20 minutes
Masturbation: +4 minutes
Talking out lout: +3 minutes
Sitting down crying: +5 minutes

36. Can you do splits?:
Only once...

37. Are you flexible?:
Like a fishing rod

38. What movie do you want to see?:
One where the guy committing infacide is the hero...Juno looks good too (Three consecutive words with "oo" in them!).

39. What did you do on New Years eve 2007?:
Drink and Drive...and I STILL didn't hit those kids...

40. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?:
No, I also don't put my seat-back upright on plane takeoffs or wait behind the yellow line...YOU CAN'T STOP FREEDOM!

41. Are you scared of flyying?:
No, but I'm scared of people misspelling the word "flying"

42. Do you have any tatoos?:
I consider them more markers, one for each of my victims...no. Tattoos usually mean you're making the statement "Hey, look at me, I'm being unique by doing what every single high school rebel does...praise my non-conformity and lack of education!"

43. Do you like funny people or serious people?:
Funny people are great to surround myself with, but serious people are fun to fuck with "Oh no! The condom broke!" Haha, gets them every time.

44. What is your favorite song at the moment?
Daft Punk - Too Long/Steam Machine

45. Do you like chocolate?:
What kind of a person doesn't fucking like chocolate?!

46. Are you easy to get along with?:
If you're intelligent and have a completely open sense of humor, if not, then I'll probably be trying to poison you or push you in front of a moving car.

47. Are you a happy person?:
More than most people I know...and people I don't know for that matter.

2 comments:

Erika said...

Homero. I just laughed aloud like twelve times. Seriously, I enjoy you. And we're married. And/or hanging out soon.

kthanks :)

Lilianna said...

I liked 1, 11, 13, 14, 22 (seriously, the etc. is retarded), 26, 35, 41, and 45. Definitely 45.