Monday, September 8, 2008

Television and Grey's Anatomy

I was going to do a regular update today but I realized that, aside from seeing Mitch Fatel last week at the Improv (Hilarious by the way), I haven't done a goddamn thing. However, I do have some news, I'm going to start working on articles for CollegeHumor, if I can do enough of them and, if they're good enough, I can eventually get paid to be funny, which would be pretty badass. For now, I think I'll just give you a description of an idea I had about a year ago and then end in a small rant.

I want there to be a special where all the drama shows come together; Law and Order: SVU, CSI, and medicine shows like ER, Scrubs and House.

First, a crime in Las Vegas would take place and then, in some seemingly random house, Gil Grissom would be all like "What up mofos? I'm looking for clues, and I like bugs." He would then proceed to have mildly condescending conversations with his team for about twenty minutes, when all of a sudden, some bad guys would break out of the garage in a car (Ford Explorer, if you really must know), so he'd have to call the Law-half of the SVU people and they'd be like "got it Grissom, we're on his tail!"

So now they're chasing them in Las Vegas, and even though SVU takes place in NYC, it's A-OK because it's a completely new cast starring Kristen Bell, Jennifer Garner, Djimon Hounsou and Liev Shreiber. Anyways, they'd run the plates and find that those bad guys also have some hardcore known accomplices in New York and Miami, and they've also recently killed people...a lot.

The SVU people would immediately call up CSI: NY and CSI: Miami, but because no one cares about Miami aside from Caruso's one-liner, it would just show him say something like "Where in the world...are these guys headed?". The camera then pans all the way from Miami to New York, in a single take, where the cast of ER is shown operating on two accmplices who shot eachother for money, and are suddenly joined by the cast of Scrubs where Zach Braff goes "I wonder what it would be like to get shot by a bullet made of spaghetti...I love Spaghetti".

But what's this? He also has some unknown disease? Well bring on House so he can come in and say "It's melanomia, you see I saw you cough about 8 years ago while I was walking down the street and just happened to glance upward to see you on a balcony coughing...alright, well, I'm off to do something hip and illegal, peace out!" You'd think it be over and they'd cure him and send him to jail right? If you did, then you're wrong, if you didn't, you're still wrong. Suddenly, the cast of Grey's Anatomy would come out and there would be complete silence and confusion as everyone from the aforementioned shows would grab various long tools and object and kill them because Grey's Anatomy sucks.

Talk about a satisfying ending. That's all I had written down so far, there might be a section where the cast of King of Queens comes in but it just doesn't make sense when you read it as a whole.

While I'm writing, I might as well tell you why that piece of shit show sucks...that's right...fucking Grey's Anatomy...

I honestly think the creators of the show were like:

Creators: OK guys, I got an idea for this crazy show that's gonna make us ready? Alright, this is what we're gonna do. Let's make a medical drama/comedy, but get rid of the medicine...

Studio Executives: Umm, ok?

C: the drama...

SE: huh?

C: Stay with me, we'll also be taking out the comedy...

SE: Ok, I don't think you get it

C: Just hear me out, because we would also be taking out any character depth and complexity. Here's the kicker though, instead of hiring writers, we'll have five 13yr. old girls script out long-winded stories about shallow love triangles without consequences because the women in the show will always be getting some cock.

SE: Hmm, well that sounds good, but that's not enough to make us money...

C: Oh but there's more, we'll break into the youth group by making adorable and unoriginal nicknames to go with our sponsors. McDonalds just donated us 2 million listen to this nickname...McDreamy.


C: I know, right? I think that's about it, now we just gotta sit back and wait for the money to start roll-oh wait, I forgot about this. Our lead character, not only are we going to hire someone with a soft uninspired voice, we're also gonna make sure she looks like she has Down's Syndrome and only has one facial expression that crosses between mental retardation and complete confusion.

C & SE (In unison): Forbes 500, Here we come!

Fuck you Grey's Anatomy, at least Sex and the City had character driven stories...

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