Monday, August 25, 2008

Day 45

Watch that and laugh gleefully...or just click on it...

Line of the Week: If you trust in God, he'll give you shoes... -Charlie on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia


Last week, I went to visit my grandfather in the hospital and I had the honor of receiving nothing but green lights all the way, until the second-to-last light. As luck would have it, there was someone selling newspapers at the intersection. This wasn't your regular, everyday-run-of-the-mill type bum, no, no, this was a seemingly normal looking Asian lady, selling newspapers out of a plastic bag. This immediately threw me off guard, so when she began to approach the cars in front of me, I started to get a bit agitated and tried to avoid eye contact. Just as this happened, she looked at me straight in the eyes and didn't even bother coming up to my car, and simply went to the vehicle next to me...at this point, two things crossed my mind.
  1. Did that hobo just discriminated against me because of my youth? Why does she automatically assume that just because I'm young I won't give her the time of day?
  2. Thank god she didn't come to me because I wouldn't have even known how to turn her down...especially since I don't have the money, nor the empathy, to deal with her right now.
Like I said though, I was on my way to the hospital. I get there and start walking towards the building and begin to count all the empty beer cans in the parking lot. Yeah, I counted 8 empty beer cans from where I parked to the hospital entrance. Who the hell is drinking in a hospital parking lot? Jesus...the worst part is that only two of those people had the decency to put the tall boy in a brown paper bag, the rest weren't even crushed, they were just thrown about like it was nothing...what's the world coming to?

Anyways, so I finally get inside the hospital and when I get into the elevator, I kind of relax thankful for a second because I'm the only one in it, until it opens up on the second floor. Then two doctors and a couple random people walk in, with everyone in the middle of the elevator and me and a female doctor with our backs against the wall towards the door. She's reading some patient's chart and as I glance at her I notice that I can actually see down her "coat" and into her bra, like, I could check her for breat cancer (If I was that nice). The simple fact that I totally just checked out a female doctor's right breast dawns on me and causes me to smile slightly and almost giggle because, let's face it, it's hilarious. I end up supressing it pretty well until I get up to my floor and then burst out laughing. Such a great way to kick off a hospital run...and in case you're wondering, 7/10 (They could be fuller [more full? {What kind of brackets do I use after these?}] ).

Because some of you were wondering, my nightmares look like this...jealous?

As much as I'd expect for this to be filed under obvious racism, as most of you will undoubtedly do, I saw a black guy that looked EXACTLY like Samuel L. Jackson this week. I was walking out of Walgreens and there he was, sitting in his car (On the dock of the bay?), just talking on his cell phone. I would've taken a picture if I didn't think it would be grounds for a police report...although now that I think about it, would a black guy voluntarily call the cops?

I had an appointment on Friday morning and while I was in the waiting room...waiting, an older lady sat down, which I only took a note of when I noticed she had a mustache. I immediately began texting friends to let them know of my current situation and that I couldn't stop neither looking at it, nor chuckling silently to myself. One of my friends texted back "Hahaha, poor woman"...ummm, no. No "poor woman", I'm the one who has to fucking look at it. Hell, I'm one of the MANY people that has to go through life knowing and remembering what we just saw, and I wouldn't mention it if it was something small but this was something that looked like it belonged in the female remake of Magnum P.I.

The Summer Olympics ended yesterday, which means we can now wait a couple more years for the good ones. That's right, fuck the summer Olympics, the winter Olympics are so much better it can't even be expressed in words, only emotions, which I cannot show at the request of my lawyers. It's simple logic, the winter Olympics are better because they're riskier and you have to deal with things that are out of your control, whereas the summer Olympics it's just you and maybe someone else that might trip you, although that's extremely unlikely. Plus, it'll give the Chinese a chance to stop showing off their ridiculous spending abilities. Judging by the amount of fireworks they let off last night, I don't think China has seen Al Gore's, An Inconvenient Truth, yet. They should probably get on that because that little show they put on, probably knocked off a couple thousand years off the planet.

Today was kicked off by waking up at 7:30am to ring in the new semester of school...which I admittedly, was kind of looking forward to. After my first class, however, maybe not so much...

History 1302
It started off innocently enough, sitting next to the only cute chick and being one of three people who read books and don't look like they masturbate to the Twilight trailer all day long. Then it happened...a black chick walked past me and sat down behind me, but that wasn't what was so significant about it. What got me was that she smelled fucking HORRIBLE, like, nothing but B.O., concentrated sweat and poverty. Not only was it so horrendous that I could smell her before I touch her, but it caused me to see something I had never seen outside of cartoons...she had flies following her. Yeah, that's how fucking bad it was, I counted two flies, one of which passed by my head and the other hovered around her right shoulder. It was fucking ridiculous. All that aside, the class seems like it's going to be tolerable, the professor is German and started off by saying that he teaches three history classes, one of which was Nazi Germany in The Holocaust...a holocaust joke not 5 minutes into the class? This sounds like my kinda guy! Aside from that, nothing really interesting happened except when everyone was introducing themselves, one fat fuck wearing a t-shirt that read "school and work bad, video games good" simply ignored it, gave a hand signal to pass him and grunted no while he drew some anime shit on his syllabus...if you're wondering, yes...god hates him.

Music Appreciation
This class started off pretty well, playing Bob Marley as we walked in, but the classroom was dark with only a picture of the legend himself on the screen and ended up sitting between a fat Indian chick and a fat Mexican chick...touche god...touche... Then we talked about music and what we thought about it and what it means; I'll give you a hint: Whatever you want it to mean. Then we watched a video of various classical compositions that was actually pretty interesting and made me want to watch A Clockwork Orange, but I can't because Nate has yet to return it to me...those fucking Thai bastards and their dog-eating, rights-stealing, DVD-holding and Tony-Jaa-is-a-badass ways!!

I'll end with this clip from one of my new favorite television shows, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia:


1 comment:

Leah said...

best scene from Always Sunny EVER. get the ringtone.