Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Day 42

Words are pointless here...

Line of the Week: Our love is like the border between Greece and Albania -Some song on Weeds

Alright, I've got a shitload of movie news this entry. I'm gonna throw all the good movie trailers at you so you can watch 'em later or whatever, and then I'll get to talking about some weird trailers I've seen and then get to the usual random shit everyone seems to like.

Oh, and in case you haven't noticed, on the right I put a section where I tell you guys what movies are the best this year (According to me and Roger Ebert) and which movies sucked, albiet there will always be some really sucky movies missing because the truth is there are more bad movies released than good ones in any given year. Also, I'll put the release dates for films that are coming up that look like they're worth watching, and if you want to know how good they are, well, that's what that little comment button at the bottom of each entry is for.

Here are some films that are coming out before the end of the year that will either have an Oscar nomination or critical praise going for them. They all look equally fascinating and I highly doubt any feelings of regret will come over me after seeing these films, unlike Indiana Jones 4 and Hancock...fuckers. Without further ado, here they are:
  • Battle in Seattle - A fantastic ensemble cast, with Charlize Theron thrown in there to make people forget she was in Hancock, that relives the protests to the WTO Meeting in Seattle in 1999.
  • Rachel Getting Married - The delicious Anne Hathaway plays a druggie just out of rehab, during the ceremonies for her sister's marriage. Add one of the most dysfunctional families since Little Miss Sunshine and you've got a pretty damn good movie, with what looks like a fantastic performance from Hathaway.
  • Choke - This one's a comedy, starring Zaphod, and looks like it's going to be a really funny and mildly quirky film.
  • The Brothers Bloom - This is basically an action comedy like that of The Italian Job, but with a more indie feel to it, on account of the variety of actors, Adrien Brody, Rachel Weisz, Rinko Kikuchi and Mark Ruffalo.
  • Role Models - Looks to be a fun comedy with Sean William Scott and Paul Rudd, along with some crazy kids. The trailer looks alright, but it's the cast that really sold me.
On a similar note, I recently watched the trailer for The Band's Visit, (An indie flick released in February that I happen to have missed) and it tripped me the fuck out. It starts off with the guys speaking in either Hebrew or Arabic with English subtitles, and then it goes to them speaking in English...with English subtitles. I literally thought I had the ability to understand Hebrew/Arabic for like a good 20 seconds...haha.

Then, I found out Disney had just released the first trailer to their new movie, that is FINALLY back to drawn animation. It's called The Princess and the Frog (How original) and you can watch the trailer by utilizing the clicking-feature located on your mouse, on these words.

The first thing I thought when I saw it was "Why the fuck is she black?". I didn't mean it in a skin color aspect, I meant it in a "Why does she have a stereotypical black woman accent-that-you'd-only-find-in-Barbershop-or-Friday-movies?" It seemed like with all the allegations that Disney puts subliminal messages in their movies, that they'd try to be more careful with how they managed their upcoming projects...I guess not. However, that's not the worst part you see, because not only do they have it set in New fucking Orleans, she's also a fucking servant!

Hmm...a black princess that talks like she's from Atlanta...who's a servant...in New Orleans. You get it? Why don't they just give her an afro and have her win a tiara in a breakdance battle, to which she can celebrate with Grape soda, Fried Chicken, Waffles and for desert; enough Watermelon to shut down crime for a week.

I don't care what you say, you CANNOT taste all 23 flavors of Dr. Pepper. Fuck you Pepper, where did you get you doctorate degree from? Texas State? Fuck off.

Say what you will about Rob Zombie and his inability to make any great movies, but you MUST goddamn recognize the perfection that he has shown in making some of the most badass posters I've ever seen. They're so good, in fact, that I'm just gonna post them here:

Simply badass...they should hire him to do every poster for a Quentin Tarantino movie...hell, even romantic comedies should have some ass-kicking, angst-filled posters.

Angelina Jolie has been rumored to want to play Catwoman in the next Batman...

...yeah...let that shit sink in.

I don’t know what I’m more against; Catwoman in Nolan’s Batman, or even considering Jolie to play the character. It sounds like a shitty ending to a damn good series. Angelina Jolie is a VERY limited actress, and is always given the benefit of the doubt because of her curves. The optimal storyline for the next film would include The Riddler played by a method actor/David Tennant. Either that or maybe Black Face, since he’s equally as dark as The Joker.

Catwoman? Angelina Jolie? Why don’t you have the Mad Hatter played by Troy Verner, or Clay Face played by a tall fat kid with Downs Syndrome, or maybe even Bane played by John Goodman…Jesus Christ this is fucking stupid.

I went to fill my car up on Thursday, and as I pull into the gas station I see this girl kind of skipping/running to the Sonic, which is next door. The weirdest part was that a truck was following her closely, which was odd because she had to be at least 17 or so. As I drive by the truck I see, what I presume to be, her parents, smiling as they look at her. Then something went off in my head and as I turn around to confirm my immediate suspicion, I notice how the girl is running and realize, she's retarded! I don't mean retarded as in stupid or in a derogatory way, I mean it was in "mentally handicapped". I start laughing so hard that I almost drove straight into the damn gas pump, after I park and my laughing settles I start to pump the gas and as I stand there waiting, I realize that I just saw a retarded girl running while he parents followed, and proceed to laugh so hard, again, that I have to lean on my car to keep me from falling. Thursdays are great aren't they?

Best. Valedictorian Nomination Speech. Ever.

The following day I went to the bank because I had to cash a check my parents left me and as I walk inside I notice a decent looking Indian chick. I get in the line and as luck would have it, she's the one that that gets to, umm, service me. I'm doing some polite small talk with a couple jokes and as she's finishing up I decide to ask for her number, and wouldn't you know it, she says no. Now getting rejected by girls is something that happens to every guy and it doesn't really phase me, but I can't remember when I was ever rejected in getting a girl's number. Sex, yes. Third date, yes. Fisting, yes (Though it stops most guys, it simply makes me more ruthless). But a phone number? Hell no, I mean, if you can't even get a girl's number, well, you can only do so much with two hands...

As I thought about it though, what did I really lose? She's probably Muslim which means if I were to date her I'd have the great honor of going with her to forced (arranged?) weddings that have no alcohol. Also, if I were to marry her, what family business could they own that I could inherit, aside from selling blueprints of really large buildings? Oh well.

I'll leave you with Bob $tencil's Comic-Con Coverage, presented to you via FistShoving.net

Until next week: Bros before Hos...

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