Monday, August 11, 2008

Day 43

Fucking fat people always ruining everything...THEY'RE they cause of all wars...

Line of the week: Oh shit. You're not who I thought you were -Carla, during the most hilarious night I've had in a long time

If you don't get the line of the week, you REALLY missed out, haha.

Umm...I wanna give a shout out to the awesome readers from across the pond and Allen's friends that actually read this thing because without you, I wouldn't know that London and Jersey Village have internet access.

Starting again with the film stuff, I'm actually thinking about starting up a separate blog to put all my serious movie-related stuff. If I did, I'd have a LOT more movie stuff to post and would only put move-related ramblings on here if it was funny. If you think I should, or think I shouldn't or you simply don't care, let me know!!

I saw two movies this week; one blew my mind and the other didn't blow my expectations like I thought it would.

Paris, Je T'aime, is one the best movie, nay, film I have seen in a long time. It's a series of short films that were filmed in the 20 arrondissements in Paris, each one shot by different directors including The Coen Bros., Gerard Depardieu, Alexander Payne and Christopher Doyle. It features actors like Steve Buscemi, Bob Hoskins, Nick Nolte, Emily Mortimer, Elijah Wood, Olga Kurylenko, Natalie Portman and Maggie Gylenhaal. Each story has it's own feel to it and is done fantastically. Some are romantic, some are comedic and some are inspiring, but they are all done perfectly. You MUST see this movie, 9.5/10.

I also saw Pineapple Express and wrote a review on Paintballscene that I would post here but it would probably make this entry way too long, so I'll just link to it.

If you don't want to read through all that, just know that I gave it a 7.5/10 and said you should see it, especially if you're high; you'll appreciate it more.

I finished up summer school last week on Monday, it was supposed to be Tuesday but the tropical storm that was supposed to hit us caused for class to be canceled. On Tuesday I had to turn in the final report that was like 13 pages long. I had to do a Feasibility Report on solutions to a problem/topic of my choice. After a couple days of thinking about it, I decided to do it on Childhood Obesity. When I presented the topic to my professor, the following conversation occurred:

Me: Here's my topic...
Professor: Oh, Childhood Obesity, that's interesting.
Me: Yeah, I figured it'd be good.
Prof: You know, a lot of elementary schools have fitness finals that students must be able to physically pass to make it to the next grade, maybe you could use that.
Me: Yeah, I'll look into that
Prof: So is this a problem you used to have as a child or has your family been affected by it in some way?
Me: Oh, haha, no, not at all. I just hate fat kids you know? Aack. I just want to find out some ways to get rid of them.
Prof: .......

Afterwards, I explained to her that I was joking and that it was a completely random topic that would be easiest to research. I guess not everyone is as funny as me.

Here's an interesting little event that happened last week. You see, my sister clogged up the toilet on Tuesday and boy did she clog that motherfucker. It was tighter than a baby's vagina, with nothing but pee, feces and toilet paper. She tells me to get a bag, so I go upstairs and as i get there she flushes the toilet which causes a bunch of multi-colored liquid to trickle out. She goes off running out of the bathroom to tell our parents while I jump in the tub, remove the toilet plumbing cover and grab the pump to stop the water from flowing. My dad comes and starts mopping the floor and after a couple minutes, everything is restored to normal.

Afterwards, I made sure to sing "What's new, poopy cat" as I walked by my sister, and made sure to give her the recognition she deserved. You see, I've clogged up the toilets at my house like 8 times, but never have I clogged them so bad that they overflowed, so with that in mind, I give. My sister wins and I admit defeat. Later, as we're sitting down talking about what just happened, my dad throws me a bottle of rubbing alcohol and tells me to wipe my feet with it. I tell him that I'm a healthy 20-year old with the immune system strong enough to where I could drink liquid Polio and Hep-C and make it come out like Natural Spring Water. At this point he tells me "Yeah but there was poop, if it had only been JUST pee".

The 2008 Summer Olympics started up on Friday and they have been going full force. The Inauguration and Opening Ceremony blew me away. They took what's usually only a few minutes of visual displays and turned it into the most amazing 40-50 minute masterpiece...yes, a fucking masterpiece. After that whole visual and artistic orgasm, the March of Nations began and I am pleased to report that the following nations have hott chicks: Turkmenistan, Yemen, Marshal Islands and Israel. I would mention the obvious ones like England, Germany, Finland, Denmark, Norway and USA, but like I said, those are obvious ones.

The film that has been talked about the most since the release of The Dark Knight is none other than Tropic Thunder. There has been a bunch of hype and reactions regarding the contents of the film with the most prominent being Robert Downey Jr. as a method actor in blackface makeup. This isn't the only point that has been disputed however, as Ben Stiller's portrayal of Tugg Speedman in a trailer for the fake film, Simple Jack, where he plays the most stereotypical retard ever.

This event has caught the attention of veteran journalist Patricia Bauer, which was explained in an article by Film School Rejects. It basically states that it's too insensitive towards retarded or "Mentally Handicapped" people, if you can call them that. That in mind, I actually agree with her. Not so much that his portrayal of a retarded person is offensive, but that retarded people will actually be offended, rather than laugh, when they see the film. I agree with this because the retards will actually be, coincidentally, too retarded to get the joke.

On a similar and more recent note, it was also reported by First Showing that the film will be boycotted by disabilities groups. Yeah, at first I thought it was going to cause some bad publicity and force some censorship but then I got to thinking about it. You know what this means? NO HANDICAPPED PEOPLE WILL BE USING THEIR PARKING SPOTS!! This means that when I go see Tropic Thunder this week, I can park in the cripples' parking spots and if a cop says anything, all I have to do it print out the article and show it to him. There IS a God and he hates cripples!

While I was on my way to Ryan's party on Saturday night (FUCKING RIDICULOUS), my sister called me and asked me how to get to a club called Rich's. After the call I started thinking, why the hell do you want to go to Rich's? Also, you're 17 and fat, how the fuck are you gonna even get in?...I'm the best brother self-esteem, or lack thereof, can buy.

I'll leave you with this, Bernie Mac died on Saturday...which means he's the first black person I've ever heard of, to die of natural causes. Badum-TISH!!


Cameron said...

I really value your opinion on movies and films, because they are honest and taken from an objective standpoint. Your reviews help me deicde which movies to see.

Tyler Bukowski said...

Make a seperate blog.

You're the only person i can read a movie review from and i always find them helpful and pretty much awesome.