Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Day 37

The reason why Christians are considered pussies...

Line of the Week: 35 feet looks a lot less painful than it feels. - Josh from One Sentence

Lately I've been wanting to drive a Hummer H2, or whichever is the biggest, and have it run on baby-blood and diesel to have the pure power of intense death at my fingertips. No real significant reason, I just want a reason to go to a gas station that commits infanticide.

Various Film updates:
Wanted Redband trailer with Morgan Freeman exclaiming "Shoot this motherfucker!" and some blood splats...oooh, how risque Hollywood!!

Comcast released some featurettes of The Dark Knight and an exclusive trailer too.

Lionsgate released a few pictures of Samuel L. "Motherfuckin'" Jackson and Eva Mendes from The Spirit.

What's that? You want more shit from Wanted? How about a 7 minute clip? Click Hurr.

I recently saw Southland Tales: the weirdest fucking movie I've seen in my life. It's a 2007 science fiction drama movie that has absolutely no plot but some other things going for it. A hell of an ensemble cast: The Rock, Sean William Scott, Justin Timberlake, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Wallace Shawn, Miranda Richardson, Mandy Moore, Kevin Smith, John Larroquette with Jon Lovitz rounding it out. Sounds like a pretty badass cast for a hell of a comedy right? Wrong...so very wrong. The plot is nearly nonexistent, along with the script, and is ridiculous. The camera placement and cinematography leaves much to be desired...yet the soundtrack is great. Anytime you hear music taking over sound effects you're in for a real treat...for a total of maybe five minutes of the entire movie. That being said, watch it; it may not be great and you may regret watching it for twenty minutes after, but there's so much crazy shit and a ridiculous amount of cameos that it's great to talk about with other people...plus you see Sarah Michelle Gellar in lingerie for quite a while.

Here's an interesting tidbit: People who are right-handed live 30% longer than those who are left-handed, similarly, people who naturally write well with both hands are douchebags.

Thursday I had to do an Impromptu Speech for my speech class and I drew the most boring topic ever; my favorite sport. I ended up rambling on about Rugby for a little over a minute but really loved some of the other topics. With that in mind, here are my takes on a few of the hot topics plaguing our nation today:
  • Death Penalty - Let 'em fry. I don't know about you, but I was born in Texas, and if there's one thing I've learned here is that EVERYTHING is better when it's fried juuuuust right.
  • Athlete Drug Testing - Completely against it...as a matter of fact, it should be mandatory for athletes to take performance enhancing drugs, not only because of the ridiculous fucking amounts of money we throw at them, but because we need entertainment. Ok, we've seen how far the human body can go and frankly, it's not that exciting. We need for those fucker to be 500lbs of pure muscle, acne and a penis smaller than the iPod Nano. These guys need to have the physical ability to rip 5 people's heads off before they even realize what's going on.
  • IDing Sex Offenders - Look, what my friends and religious leaders do on their spare time is none of my business, I don't wanna hear or know about it.
Kotaku had some pretty cool Don Kingisms posted recently that are good for a quick laugh.

I went to the Outlet Mall on Sunday and while I was in line to pay at a store I overheard this girl mention to the lady behind her that she had that exact same shit in 3 different colors. Now I'm no fashion guru, but maybe you should get some new clothes and start shoping somewhere else there toots.

Sunday was also Father's Day...AKA the most confusing day in the ghetto...24 hour marathon of "Who's kid is it anyways?" Funny story though, I was going to be a father, luckily we nipped that problem in the bud...

...that joke was funny because a baby died in it.

Monday morning I pull into the school parking lot and as I'm walking towards the Arts building I see and hear an Asian guy with a loud ass sound system in his car blasting the song no other than "Only Time will Tell" by Enya...I couldn't concentrate for the rest of the day.

Apparently I'm big in Japan...in more ways than one.

Monday's Open Mic was hell of a lot of fun. After my set I chilled in the show room and did a guest appearence on D'Andre Siggers' web show he's gonna be doing every week. It's pretty cool, completely free and only has like a four second lag. Later, Allen and I received some great words of wisdom and insightful stories from The Bob Biggerstaff and Rob Mungle. Then I got home and literally passed out from exhaustion.

A new Comcast exclusive The Dark Knight trailer and a Two-Face clip just uploaded by Warner Bros. yesterday.

All I've been doing today is watching Weeds, which is a great show I just got hooked on, and highly recommend it to everyone who even mildly enjoys this "blog". The chicks are hott, the guys are hilarious and the content is delicious.

However, I must mention one thing about this show: there's a recurring character by the name of Megan (Portrayed by Shoshannah Stern) who is incredibly hott by herself, but even hotter because she's deaf. Now, I ask of you, and when I say you I mean Sean V. Heuvel, to holla at any hott deaf chicks you've got laying around. I think I'd really like to date a girl that's deaf...better than a cripple or a black chick, that's for sure.

So bring on the deaf tits who know no sound...

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