Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Day 32

What the repercussions of this entry will be like...

Line of the Week: Jesus Plane -Pastor Shepard

Someone, or no one, recently asked me what I would do if I had a million dollars. Now obviously going to Barnes and Nobles and spending it all to get drunk with knowledge (sapiosexual, remember?), however that's more fun in real life than on paper. After much thought I came up with ways I would spend this new found scratch. Keep in mid that these are all options, any of them can be interchanged with another:
  • Get away with rape - I would go to the Galleria, rape a MILF, throw 50 Gs at her and walk away a happy man.
  • Buy drugs - Now before you start questioning my morals, I mean pharmaceutical drugs. I would bribe the annoying pretentious dick on the other side of the elevated counter at Walgreens and get myself some Viagra, Aderrall, Codine, and whatever fun goodies exist back there. I would put the viagra in every drink in every social event I would go to, sit back and enjoy the awkwardness...can a clit get an erection?
  • Open a bar - It would mean I get liquor sent to me, and I could host a couple open mics a week and then bring in bands or whatever on those other days. Did I mention the alcohol would come to me? Because it would.
  • Get rid of this guy...I mean, even the New York Post knows he's a douche.
  • Buy Green Garden, the Chinese food place I eat at every chance I get, and have them send me an order of Sesame Chicken and Chicken Fried Rice to my house at least thrice a week.
  • Buy enough people and equipment to allow me to burn every Wal Mart within 40miles to the the ground.
Not too shabby, eh?

Yesterday I had Chinese food for lunch and ate so much it hurt to move afterwards. The first thing I did when I got home though was masturbate, then pee and then end with a nice fat dump; and you know what? Afterwards, it felt like I hadn't eaten a thing all goddamn day...

Did you watch Iron Man? If you did and liked it, like me, and don't want the fun to end, check out Rod Hilton's Abridged Iron Man Script.

It's no secret that The Greater Truth is simply an absurd and exaggerated version of my real personality, but I have to ask myself from time to time, is this arrogance leaking into my subconscious and rearing it's ugly yet interestingly hilarious head into my daily social life? Probably. Though it may be comedic and entertaining in the short run, I think this is going to get bad quickly...I guess some personality tweaking is in order...this personal development that's been happening since I took philosophy is fun and all, but it requires all it.

This entry sucks because I'm typing this as I'm packing to go to Monterrey from tonight until Monday morning. That being said, I'll probably have better shit next week, and in case you're wondering no, I didn't make it to the Semi-Finals of Houston's Funniest Person Contest. However, you can help by going here:

Then click on "Vote for Me!" on the right-side and use a valid e-mail address and you're done. You can vote once a day, which means you can get 4 votes per e-mail address.

I'll see everyone when I'm back in this midly-English-speaking country we're all so fond of.

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