Day 28

Proof that the Writers' Strike wasn't that bad...

Line of the Week: Hey black people, DON'T VOTE!! - Tracy Jordan on 30 Rock


Before I begin, let me get the movie news out of the way.

• The Spirit - I talked about this in the last update, but the teaser trailer came out this weekend and it looks fucking gorgeous.
• Taken - Liam Neeson starring in an action film that will probably make Rambo look like Daddy Day Care 2.
• Ghost Town - An upcoming comedy about a misanthropic dentist who can see ghosts. The best part? Stars Ricky Gervais.
• X-Files: I Want to Believe - I didn't hear about this until yesterday...and it's already in post-production! How is this not everywhere? X-Files is one of the epitomes of pop culture references.
• Fanboys - A comedy about Star Wars fanboys trying to break into Skywalker Ranch and steal an early print of Star Wars: Episode 1. George Lucas saw it, approved it and even let them use the same sound effects found in the original Star Wars.
• Heckler - It's about time a film like this came out...hopefully it'll be a wide release.
  

I 've gone to Quiznos so much in the past few weeks that the entire staff memorized what I eat, and began to prepare it today before I even reached the counter to place my order...I don't know how to feel about this. Maybe it's pathetic, but I'm almost proud and it felt like an episode of Cheers...now if only I can get them to greet me by my name when I walk in...

Lately, I've been hearing a lot of people say that "drinking is getting old". Here's the deal idiots, if you've thought that or said that, there's only one reason for it. You drank for the wrong reasons. Chances are you drank to fit in, to be popular or because of peer pressure. As for me, I drink for one reason with a varying sub-reason. Because I love the taste of dark beer and sometimes I want to get wasted and justify my habit of groping random women.

Every time I see those Mac commercials with Justin Long and John Hodgman I can actually hear America's IQ drop a point.

Last Month brought upon a Vanity Fair issue that featured Tina Fey, Sarah Silverman and Amy Poehler on the cover. The main story read "Who says women aren't funny?" and addressed the negative stereotypes female comics have had to deal with. As I type this I'm actually reading the article and finding incredibly interesting. If anyone has the issue, or knows someone with it, I'll buy it from you or them...seriously.

Here's what I think. I think the reason why people think most women aren't funny is because they're only doing female comedy. The most successful female comics talk normal, without being gender-specific or about periods, women's rights, marriage, etc. Sarah Silverman, Kathleen Madigan, Ellen DeGeneres, Phyllis Diller, Joan Rivers and Roseanne Barr just to name a few. Frankly, I'm not a female comic so I can only sport so much weight on this subject, so I'll let author Alessandra Stanley tell it like it is. Here's the link to the article and the behind the scenes video.

I bet Kathleen Madigan probably gives sloppy blowjobs. I don't mean sloppy like something bad or unwanted, I mean it in a wet and highly desirable manner. A blowjob you only see in porn movies with extremely loud sucking-noises coming from the incredibly wet penis...doesn't sound so bad now does it?

It was recently the "birthday", you'll see why I use the quotes in a sec, of a kid I knew in high school who is now dead (see?). I thought that since he's dead it's no big deal, right? WRONG...so fucking wrong. Interested in people's minds and actions, I casually looked at his Facebook profile and saw pages and pages of people writing "Happy Birthday!!" except with terrible grammar and somehow managing to spell "birthday" incorrectly. I don't think people get the whole birthday thing; you see, it's called birthday because it represents the day you were born - day of birth - which I incorrectly assumed was global-wide knowledge. That being said, once you have a deathday (much less common, so much that spell check doesn't even know about it) and, like your birth certificate, you have your death certificate...your birthday is completely nullified. No cake and candles for you. The point I'm trying to make, is that when people die, they cannot have a birthday as it would go against science and God, so if you wish a dead person Happy Birthday, you're slapping God in the face with a titanium dildo.

The Editing Room, run by Rod Hilton, is one of my main influences for comedy and recently released an abridged script of Juno that is just as funny as the film itself. Check it out here.

The Comedy Class Showcase was last night at the Laff Stop. I was headlining so I got to watch everyone's act before going home to work on English. It was fantastic, everyone brought their "A-Game" and did really well. It was a blast being on stage with the highlight of the night definitely being the very last joke of my set. Tonight is Racist Night at the Open Mic so hopefully I'll be able to get some more stuff ready, aside from the slave and jew bits.

Afterwards, I came home and instead of working on my English stuff, sat down and for about an hour and half worked on a comedy MySpace and Facebook page. The only reason I didn't make these sooner is because I had absolutely no pictures of myself on stage. Here are the links:

Comedy MySpace - Add me, I'll post bulletins every time I'll be on stage (Aside from Open Mic Mondays).

Facebook Page - Become a fan and whatnot.

Send the links to friends, family, neighbors, midgets or anyone that lives in Texas.