Monday, March 24, 2008

Day 24

The Credible Hulk...better than Wikipedia

Line of the Week: Knuck if you buck -Socrates

For the record, I would bang the Right Wing out of Meghan McCain...I'd rip her pussy up worse than if she got it caught in an industrial-strength lawnmower.

Here are two films and a movie that will be definitely worth watching as soon as you can get your dirty hands on them:
  1. Love Songs - A French musical about a menage-a-trois.
  2. The Grand - A completely improvised film full of great comedians about a real poker tournament.
  3. The Foot Fist Way -One of the funniest characters since those from Sascha Baron Cohen or Andy Kaufman.
...and what do they all have in common? They're fucking impossible to see unless you live in New York or LA because they're only getting limited release...fucking pricks.

Saturday night was essentially the most stereotypical Mexican night I could possibly have short of somehow having Maracas in my hands. First, I had some family come over, then everyone cooked up the meat and tortillas for the tacos with no other drink than Coke. Afterwards, while I was playing Brawl mind you, everyone starts doing tequila shots for no good reason. Yeah, if someone had walked in and found me in that situation I probably would have frozen in place like a deer in headlights:

Me: Uhh
Him: ....
Me: Haha, now I know what you're thinking, but no; this is totally not what it looks all.
Him: Actually, no. I think it's exactly what it looks like.
Me: ...
Him: ....
Me: ...alright, fine. Damnit. Promise you won't tell anyone?
Him: No.
Me: Fuck you Nate, you're a dick.

I recently heard about this news story about a guy that raped a 5-month-old baby, you know, as opposed to a 5-month-old adult...which is ok. The first thing I thought before I read the story was "Psht, she probably deserved it..." until I read it. Then I thought these things in this order:
  1. So disgusting I felt my stomach gurgle
  2. gurgle is a weird-ass motherfucking word
  3. How do they know the baby wasn't asking for it or liked it initially, but then was like "Nope, not digging this"?
  4. What if the baby in question was dressed provocatively?
  5. How proud would my mother be if she read this?
  6. What if a baby raped an adult? How could you judge it if the tables were turned?
Tonight was my third time ever performing at the Laff Stop Open Mic...and goddamn did I fucking rock that shit. I was number 6 on the list (I would've gone later, but there's no fucking way I'm following Reverend Bart) and the comedians who went before me where either having a bad night or just weren't using their best material. I know most were using completely new material as I had seen their sets for the past few weekends, but in their defense the audience consisted mostly of redneck-type people, a few older teenagers that came to see me(Randy and Bradely Uppercrust III) and Allen with the remainder being mostly resident comics.

Suddenly I get called up on stage when I thought I had about ten-fifteen more minutes left to chill. so I get on stage with a determination to give this slow night and my friends one hell of a fucking show. What do I do? I go through my completely revamped set, finishing the best part, slave jokes, and barely finishing up my porn DVDs bit only to see that I'm out of time. Best Five Minutes. Ever. That's the kind of performance that reminds me why I thought I could do this in the first place.

In all seriousness however, mad props to every motherfucking comedian that performed to that barely decent crowd. Almost every single comedian did their shit, new or old, and got a few sober laughs, but overall they were great. After my first two somewhat-bad performances, I can honestly say that it takes real balls, or lips for the ladies, to get on that stage for five minutes.

Edit 3/25/08:
I woke up and came across something I really have to mention.

As most people know, I'm a big Nintendo fan, but grew up on Sega. This is why I play with Sonic on Super Smash Bros. Brawl, why I love the color blue and think Sonic is the most badass video game character aside from Conker the Squirrel.

That being said, I'm more than pleased to announce that Sega is working on a new Sonic game for the Wii called Sonic Unleashed and goddamn it does it look fucking gorgeous. Here is are some screenshots and an official video:

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