Monday, October 6, 2008

Day 50

This is why I'm a Marketing major...

Line of the Week: I say, I say, I say, I'll sit on you. -Dwight Schrute

Well look at this, it's my 50th official update...I guess that means I'm allowed to be disrespectful to cops, mix business with pleasure and start my own church and/or cult. I'm not sure which one I'll do first, it's a tough decision, but maybe I'll just eat some shrooms out in the desert and see what the powers-that-be think.

While Anne Hathaway was on Letterman, she forgot what her clip from Rachel Getting Married was about and said that she brain fart, but CBS wasn't having none of that and actually censored it by changing the captions to say "brain freeze." At least I can still watch not-so-subtle racism and stereotyping from my favorite Disney films.

HEB was the name of my destination on Thursday, and while I was in the express lane, you know, for those who live in the fast lane, I picked up some random magazine with Uma Thurman on the cover. Behind it however, was another magazine that had Halle Berry or some other black actress on the cover, which was like a bug zapper to the black lady in front of me. She grabbed the magazine, set it down on the conveyor belt, flipped (not even skimming) through a few pages and decided to buy it...which was illustrated when she put back her bottle of cooking oil. That's right, she had to choose between cooking her family dinner and reading up on the newest Tyler Perry piece of crap, and she ended up choosing the latter.

Thursday night I went to see Blindness, the new film by Fernando Merielles (City of God, The Constant Gardener), starring Julianne Moore and Mark Ruffalo. Before the film, I read that the National Federation of the Blind (or something similar) was going planning on boycotting the film on the basis of it being offensive, as described by, get this, "some blind patrons who had seen it." First of all, you didn't "see" it, you heard it, and secondly, how many blind people actually go to movie theaters? It's like a deaf person going to a concert, or an amputee entering a swimming competition...there's really no point...then I saw the film. I won't actually review it, but let's just say I was squirming in my seat because of how bad it was, it actually made me envy the blind because they wouldn't have to remember seeing this horrendous "movie" as I did. If you watch this movie and enjoyed it, I'll think less of you as a person...which I'm considering making into a post on The Reel Truth sometime this month.

If you're reading this and wondering to yourself if you're a man or not, here's a quick guide that may help you answer that question.

Friday however, was a completely different story. In the morning after class, I had a weird conversation with some friends and it eventually got around to how we slept. We came to one conclusion, although they may lie about it in front of girls (So they can imagine them in that way), guys don't sleep naked. It's just something you don't do. Who wants their penis just hanging and flapping around at night? Also, sleeping naked deprives you of having a textile layer of protection between you and your bed if you have a wet dream. Messy boxers? 2min. fix and you're back asleep. Messy mattress? Either you find somewhere else to sleep and wash it the next day or you'd better get used to sleeping in your own cum. See? Not a pleasent experience, but a notable observation.

Afterwards, I went home, took a nap, grabbed some McDonalds (Chicken Nuggets) and went to Taylor's house. We chilled there with a couple of friends, watching The Office and talking about politics, religion and whatever else you're not "supposed" to talk about, and then headed off to the movie theater. We went and saw How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, which confirmed my previous allegations that Kirsten Dunst and Megan Fox aren't attractive and can't act (MTV Movie Awards are already being made with their name on them), studios are idiots if they think that sticking Simon Pegg into a terrible American comedy will produce success and that Gillian Anderson is indeed, delicious and a good actress. Then we snuck into Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, which was MUCH better, and even though Michael Cera is starting to get annoying by playing the same person in every movie, film makers refuse to use Kat Denning's 34 DDs to their advantage. We went to Denny's after that and ended up talking outside for over an hour, having pretty healthy conversations...and you know what they say about healthy conversations.

What could I possibly leave at the end of my 50th update that would ensure laughter? Oh wait, this:

Not laughing? Well you're an idiot, but have no fear, Jake and Amir are here:

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