Monday, October 20, 2008

Day 52

Reality Comics just never caught on...

Line of the Week: Don't even get me started on Chili's Semen -Dan


A big week has been in the works, and by works I mean past tense, and by past tense I mean this sentence doesn't make sense.

I watched the premiere episode of that new TV show: My Own Worst Enemy. I knew I shouldn't have, but I did and I regret it; they should've called it My Own Worst Television Experience. You know what's worse than Christian Slater? Two Christian Slaters...Jesus, that guy is fucking annoying and he's the exact opposite of a badass killer.

I was in my Sociology class and while we were talking about Collective Behavior, which happens when something tragic happens like a hurricane or something, causing people to come together under different circumstances, my teacher was showing us pictures of various infamous events in history and when she came upon a picture of the WTC collapsing and people running away from a large cloud of smoke, she said "Of course you all know what this is." To which I replied, loud and clear, "Oh...yeah, Cloverfield." I'll be damned if it didn't have everyone in the class laughing, save the teacher...and this Indian chick, she started to laugh but I told her she wasn't allowed to.

I bought Punch-Drunk Love (2-Disc Collecters Edition) for $9.99 from Fry's last Wednesday and when I got home and opened up the plastic wrapping, the plastic holding one of the DVDs in place fell on my lap into pieces. The DVD was also scratched to where it would only play maybe 15min. of th emovie before it would skip and go back to the beginning. I took it back on Thursday and after I get my replacement DVD, the guy who was helping me (Imagine an older Bobby Lee with a stronger accent and a deep sadness in his eyes) puts the scratched DVD in the box and sticks a label on it that read "Opened Product - $8.99." Needless to say, if you're buying software of any kind at Fry's, make sure you stay away from the discounted ones, because they don't fucking work...wtf?

I went to an early screening of Zack and Miri Make a Porno with Dan and after sitting down for a bit, we see some kid with an official Pokemon hat on and a Mewtwo shirt on, come in. I immediately say "Oh, shit, Ash Ketchum is here, you'd all better hide your pikachus...even though he technically shouldn't be here because he should be working on completing his Pokedex." Then, Dan reminds me of what movie we're seeing and I exclaim outloud for all those around me to hear "What the hell? This movie is a Kevin Smith film, rated R, about two adults making a porno, and this lady decided to bring her 9 year old kid with her?...what a horrible mother." This made at least 4 strangers around me laugh in surprise...either that or because I actually had the audacity to say that a mother was horrible, who knows? Homero - 1, Parenting Magazine - 0.

I recently found the first CD I ever burned back in the late 90s, I knew it was the first CD I had ever burned because the very first song was Basement Jaxx - Where's Your Head At?...good times. Oh, and it also had this classic tune.

I've noticed, in the past 2-3 weeks, that a lot of my friends are MUCH more closed minded than I had previously thought. It's astounding and this is where I noticed the little differences between me and other people. You see, where most people would be appalled by this and begin to find new friends, I've actually enjoyed this little enlightenment because it affirms my status as being superior to them. If you assume you're superior to everyone, when you find someone that's really cool or unique and interesting, they shine and stick out in your mind, and if they turn out to be a typical human being, you're not surprised and you continue to live on happily...on a completely unrelated note, I'm officially an enormous fan of Dexter. Seriously, next to The Joker's monologue in the interrogation room from The Dark Knight, this guy has some of the best and most resounding lines I've ever heard.

I'll be honest, I didn't believe we were in a recession of any sort until I was at H-E-B last night and the cashier noticed my mom buying a bug pack of Doublemint gum and said she's probably have to get some as a stocking stuffer. Some packs of gum as a stocking stuffer? I'm pretty sure that's considered an insult in some countries...like The United States. I'd rather not get anything in a stocking than get gum. It's like if I stuffed my mom's stocking with vaginal cleaning supplies, I might as well throw them at her while saying "Here, clean yourself up, you're making us all sick with that smell."

...or something like that.

So I've been having a pretty solid streak of good ideas lately and while I was eating dinner at a pizza place with my mom on Sunday, another one hit me like a shot in a light bulb with a voltage of 1.21 Jigawatts. Egg Pizza. That's right mofos, it's pizza with eggs as a fucking topping that you can have for breakfast! I'm not sure if it's Atkins friendly yet, but I'll check on that later.

I'll leave you with Triumph the Insult Comic Dog:


Until next time: Eggs, motherfucker! Do you eat them?!

1 comment:

Leah Follmar said...

sauce-less egg pizza = quiche.