Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Day 75

I don't think he gets it...it's funny because that dead guy was a better Joker than him...and he's STILL alive! Crazy!!

Lines of the Week: If they don't know about Santa, I don't think they should know about vaginas. -Some professors talking at North Texas University.

The Cubans are always hard to work with. That's why I call them the Rubix Cubans - In the Loop

So the first day of this semester began rather uneventful except for these two classes:

Child Growth and Development
Some of you may be wondering why I'm taking a class with that title. Well, aside from being a psychology nerd, I also have no knowledge of children and know enough of them to have noticed how clever and tricky they can sometimes be. Needless to say, I figured the best way to defend myself in the future is to know the best way to maim them psychologically for the rest of their lives...like Malcolm Tucker.
To start, I'm one of four guys in the full class, which means that every Tuesday and Thursday, I wake up to go sit with 26 girls and learn about how to "not" treat babies...sounds simple enough. Ya'll can have fun with your Drafting classes, I hope your UFC sausagefests are fun. At first, I thought I'd be getting a pretty normal and intelligent class since people who take this usually do so only because they want to...but I was wrong. First sign of mental retardation was some fat chick who asked the girls towards the end of the rows to lean forward a bit so she could "Squish by." Not "squeeze by," but "squish by." Naturally, I assumed this came from years of actually squishing people under her arm fat, but whatever, she's stupid and not remotely attractive so she can go get squished by a cement mixer for all I care. Then, as names were called to confirm we were all in the correct classroom, a girl named Maria told the professor that, naturally, she goes by the name of Titan...yeah, this class is definitely not getting dropped. Later, the professor used the saying "It's like trying to swallow an elephant!" Yeah, sometimes it's just too easy...

Aside from sitting behind a thug Kenny G., complete with homosexual undertones and increased dullness, I had the honor of sitting next to the class clown...otherwise known as the "funny" kid wearing the black/gray Superman beanie who picked his nose when he wasn't opening his dumb mouth. Then, my Indian professor dropped a bombshell of terrifying truth when said he got a C the first time he took Calculus because he would skip every Tue/Thurs class for his favorite TV show...which was none other than Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He then went on to say this exact quote "Man, that show got really bad fast, after a while." This is normally where I would ask if he meant "fast" or "a while" but I decided to let it slide. Why? Because I do a lot of things for movies, but I would never get a C in a class for one or even for a TV show. Which reminds me, if you're not watching 30 Rock and Community, you're missing out on the shit that makes me laugh so hard I have to pause the show until I'm done.

Do you have computer problems? Maybe the Compfather can help...

Does anyone know if Martin Luther King Day is a good enough reason to ask for a blow-job? No? Well, what if the girl is black? I'm pretty sure there's no way an interracial blow-job could do anything but help peace within different races. If every white guy got his dick sucked by a black chick, I'm pretty sure we'd forget about slavery next week. You can quote me on that.

There's already been a pretty good amount of people covering this local display of juvenile delinquency and public display of lack of morality and ethics, but I figured I'd post it because the Houston Press' writing is great and a student's quote is hilarious.

Have you ever built an X-Wing, a Y-Wing AND an A-Wing out of only pen caps? I have. Before you ask, the other S-Foil on the X-Wing is hidden behind the top one, so you can't see it. If you're nice about it, I might update the picture in my next update...but with an entire squadron...

So this conversation happened...
Her: You make me feel stupid sometimes.
Me: Well that's just because I'm a nerd. Who's pretentious...and I'm incredibly narcissistic, so I try to know as much as I can.
Her: But part of you doesn't seem like a nerd
Me: lol, what "part"?
Me: Aside from my penis?
Me: He doesn't count, he's a nerd too.
Her: hahha, your penis isn't a nerd
Me: It's VERY nerdy, when I have it my pants it's usually wearing glasses and reading w/one of those lights from Brookstone. Then, when I'm planning on taking it out, it changes and puts on contacts so you can't tell.

...and yes, this is how I talk in real life.

I also think a bit differently, here's a random example:
Most people will watch porn and be like "FUCKING! Fuck yeah, time to touch myself." I watch porn and think "Holy shit! Me and this guy could TOTALLY be penis doubles! Would a porn star need a penis double? What kind of things could a porn star sign up for that would be so dirty and unappealing that he would have to hire someone to be a penis double for them?...because I don't think I could any of that. I mean, I don't even like having sex with no socks...feet are disgusting."

If anyone knows a kid with one hand, I found a single kid-sized glove at work. Don't laugh, ok? Some kids in Africa would be lucky to have one glove...well, maybe not in Africa since it's hot there all the time. Plus, they have to worry about lions, evil black people with gold guns and aliens that eat cat food.

I've been campaigning for everyone to see Avatar in 3D while it's still in theaters and as a result, people have asked what my favorite part of the movie is. Well, my favorite part is how Sigourney Weaver's boobs go from average as a human to porn star as a Na'Vi... Wishful thinking by Senor Cameron, perhaps? Although I have no clue how he would want Weaver after having tasted Bigelow, it just seems like such a sexual downgrade.

RealD 3D glass are just like Ultra-thin Condoms apparently...

Sunday night, Twitter happened to have #doesntmeanyourblack as it's top trending topic...being in a funny mood, I decided to join the fun and ended up with this list of updates:
  • (1:29am) Just because you enjoy fucking white chicks more than others #doesntmeanyourblack
  • Just because you always get fired from jobs for "No good reason" #doesntmeanyourblack
  • Not knowing what Star Wars is #doesntmeanyourblack ....wait, nevermind, it totally does, haha.
  • Just because you've killed a white guy and enjoyed it #doesntmeanyourblack
  • Just because you hate white people #doesntmeanyourblack it just means you hate white people...and I think everyone's ok with that.
  • Just because you say "axe" instead of "ask," it #doesntmeanyourblack ...actually, yes, yes it does. My bad.
  • Just because you don't know who your child is or what they look like, it #doesntmeanyourblack ...or does it?
  • Just because you post racist comments b/c they're popular on Twitter, it #doesntmeanyourblack DAMN IT!
  • Just because you thought Precious was a local documentary #doesntmeanyourblack
  • Just because you saw The Hurt Locker and had no clue who Ralph Fiennes was #doesntmeanyourblack
  • Just because people always ram into you when it's night or dark, it #doesntmeanyourblack
  • (1:50am) Just because you're being blatantly stereotyped around the world and you're not smart enough to tell what's happening #doesntmeanyourblack

That's that then...until next month, here's the Top 100 Cheesiest Movie Lines:

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