Monday, November 17, 2008

Day 55

Like I've said before, marketing majors are superior to all...

Line of the Week: All Rockets, No Sockets...Andy Richter with his Bon-A Constrictor...Artie Lang with his Hearty Wang -Conan O' Brien Sausage Week

Woo woo for busy people, and when I say woo woo I actually don't mean that, so take it as you will...did the previous sentence make any sense? I thought it may have not, so lets enjoy it...for now.

I've recently arrived to the conclusion that women are, in fact, much more shallow than men. You see, the only reason the Jonas Brothers, Michael Phelps or Bobcat Bob get laid is because of their social hierarchy and social influence/power. If these guys weren't on TV chances are they'd be at home masturbating to Lorelai from Gilmore Girls like everyone else, but because they have more coverage than what's entering Paris Hilton, they're loved by women around the world. Like I said though, if they weren't as famous as they are, most girls wouldn't even give them a second look or the time of day, night, dusk and that weird time when it's none of those and you feel really sleepy. Men on the other hand, don't care whether you're life consists of being inside the social elite or the socially inept and live in a cardboard box; if you're hott, we'll get all up in there (You can quote me on that). I think the only thing that can actually sway a guy from a girl is hygiene, a shower is a must because as much as we love boobs, we're not going to go and make two piles of mud and motor boat them...not because it's weird, but because we don't remember to pay for health care.

I always forget how funny Roger Ebert is...and then he writes something like this.

After work last week, Dan invited me to go with him to some small get together and since I was starving, I made him stop at McDonalds so I could get some of those fantastic Chicken McNuggets. While in line, I noticed that my pants had a ridiculous amount of fuzz all over my pants and needed something sticky to get it off, so I asked Dan, half-jokingly, if he had any duct tape like the kind for rape and stuff. He did! Then, to continue that though process, I asked him if he had scissors to make precise cuts, like you would cut your victim's hair so that people don't recognize her...or you have slightly homosexual tendencies and decided those bangs had to go. he DID!! Then I asked him for a knife, in case she's seen too much...and lo and behold, in his pocket no less, Dan pulled out a fucking knife...I have the weirdest friends.

So Obama is now I guess that's cool. To be honest though, I can't believe Americans actually elected one of those people...

...of course, I'm talking about him being a Hawaiian. Seriously guys, have you ever had Hawaiian Pizza? It's fucking HORRIBLE. Hawaiians actually took something as perfect as pizza and fucking ruined it...and now we've got one of them in office? It's disgusting. Not only that, I hear Starbucks wants to make an Obama Coffee; you know what that's gonna be like, right? A coffee with enough milk to make it extremely light-brown with a bunch of pineapple chunks...way to drop the ball America...we could've had it all with Bob Barr, but no, you fucked up and now we all have to pay for it.

I also saw Changeling last week and a thought came to my mind while watching it that I'm trying to resolve. Why didn't she just get a DNA test to prove he wasn't her kid? I was furiously contemplating this for the longest time until it hit me, Angelina Jolie would never think to utilize a DNA test to prove that her son was actually not her son because NONE of her kids are related to's to hoping she kept receipts. Oh, and aside from the surprise ending, the movie was really damn boring and uninspired, I don't see any Oscar nominations for this picture.

Alright, I'm gonna go watch Danny Boyle's Slumdog Millionaire at an early screening tomorrow night so I gotta get some reading done for this history professor that won't stop living in the past. I'll leave you with a video that exemplifies one of my theories about's funnier when it's completely serious, which is why SNL is only worth watching once a month and Kristen Wiig needs to get her own comedy show:

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