The Comedian: Apples? Haha, I guess that's as good a reason as any other to light you on fire...Line of the Week: Do you want to know why I use knives? I use a knife because guns are too quick. Otherwise, you can't savor all the emotions. You know who people are in their last moments, so in a way, I knew your friends better than you ever did. You want me to tell you which ones were cowards? -The Joker in The Dark Knight
Yeah, I know I didn't update last week, I've been busy as fuck.
Similarly, "fuck" isn't as appealing as it used to be when I began watching MILF Hunter. Now everything is hard as fuck, fucking hurts, depressing as fuck, can't take much more of that fucker, fuck it all and so-on. Why isn't anyone ever happy as fuck? How about pretty fucking horny? Eh, that's the American etymology for you...but i digress.
A few interesting things popped up online recently, my favorite being Michael Bay's Rejected "The Dark Knight" Script; which is basically his Transformers script...god what a bad movie that turned out to be(Especially the blond with the Aussie accent...ugh).
I went to Barnes and Nobles on Tuesday and noticed a couple things. The main one being that all the hott chicks will always be either in the self improvement section, business or religion section, depending on their age. Apparently, being a cougar isn't "in" at this time to the business section was a no-go for me, and the self improvement was empty...then again it was 8:30pm on a Tuesday. The religion section it was...I decided to start off easy by moseying into the overexagerated Christianity section and pretending to pick up some bible analysis until I saw a cute brunette walk over.
We exchanged casual smiles and then I asked her if she was looking for a newer version of the good book, while pointing at the new testament and winking...corny? yeah, but it was funny at the time and honestly, like I have much to work with while not offending her. So she talks about how just moved here and only knew the bible in some other language that I didn't really care about so I said give me a second and went one aisle behind us and grabbed The Bible for dummies. That got a laugh out of her. We talked about the book for a minute and...well...it was more like she talked, and I lied. She asked me what my favorite verse was and I told her, truthfully, that I didn't have one. I said "I do, however, love the entire book of Genesis, it's the beginning of everything and I love history, which is actually my major." again, another lie.
Honestly, who the hell majors in History? What a worthless major, I mean honestly, stop living in the past. They're the only majors worse than English majors...which basically means that unless you plan on teaching that same shit to 14 year olds who think rape is something that only happens in movies, then you're just going to be the most eloquent person in the unemployment line...Thoreau's not gonna help you there, toots. Anyways, back to the Jesus-stalker.
She agrees that history is interesting and then I tell her I should probably get going, there's a bunch of other stuff I need to get before I go home and do some homework. She gives me her number and walks away as I dump the book into the children section not even four feet away (Coincidence? I think not) and go into the real stuff: Philosophy.
Before I begin, let me set this up, this is the Philosophy section of a huge Barnes and Nobles on Westheimer, about 5min. from the Galleria. I'm looking for some books on Stoics or David Hume that I can buy that won't cause me to spend all my money because I'm a bit hungry. They have one book on Epicures, and two small ones(One of which I bought) on Epictetus...it's shameful how weak they are on a lot of other philosophers too. To add to this, they even made the Christianity section three and a half rows long while Eastern religions only get two and Philosophy gets three. They had bullshit like bible covers and bibles with space on the side for notes...fucking stupid. Truthfully, I was planning on buying the Islamic text (Qur'an) but couldn't find it either...fucking hypocritical Christians...what're you gonna do? Aside from crucifying them...
On a side note, under the Philosophy section, on the very bottom, they had, I shit you not, Battlestar Galactica and Philosophy: Knowledge Here Begins Out There.
Yeah...just let that sink in...
I guess it's time to talk about what everyone else is talking about; the only movie I've seen twice on opening day, once at midnight and then again at 5pm: The motherfuckin' Dark Knight.
Let me begin by saying that I am not a fan of the Batman. The comics, the story, the logic; it's all good but it always fails to interest me. It does, however, have some of the best villains.
That being said, HOLY TITTY-FUCKING-CHRIST!! I mean, I went into the theater with high expectations but this film blew me away, and not just literally, but figuratively as well. The story, themes, philosophies, judgements, acting, camera work, vision, etc. I was thoroughly and happily surprised by The Dark Knight...
...or should I say, Batman Fails? All we see is Batman gets his ass kicked in every way possible, emotionally, physically, psychologically, etc. Christian Bale, however, is one of the best Bruce Waynes I've ever seen, with my only complaint being the gruffness of his voice during a couple parts of the film; more specifically while The Joker is hanging upside-down and before Two-Face shoots him.
Heath Ledger's performance was fantastic, the voice, the ticks, the smile, the expressions and the laugh...oh man, that laugh...it was all flawless. I mean, I can imitate the voice decently, but that laugh will always be Ledger's. Let there be no confusions that what we saw on screen was not Ledger, it was The Joker, and a full testament to the art of method acting. Oscar nomination is a guarantee, and since I don't see any other films demanding such an outstanding performance this year, a win is actually very likely.
The second performance worth mentioning, and I hope he gets an Oscar nomination at least for best supporting actor, is Aaron Eckhart as Harvey "Two-Face" Dent. His transformation from the white knight of Gotham to a *almost* a child murderer, that really showcases the sharp and focused directorial skills of Christopher Nolan. Two things I didn't like however, the first being a petty personal desire to see him shoot Commissioner Gordon's son and the second being the ending. Even though I can see why they made the ending to fit the circle and tie off the loose ends, I thought the ending was horrible. Why would you give us a fantastic villain like Two-Face with merciless killing and then kill him after 20 minutes? Feels like he was cheated out of screen time. It's disappointing how much he was overshadowed by Ledger's performance, i just hope that after all the dust settles that he finally gets the recognition he REALLY deserves.
My biggest and most prominent disdain with the film was the ending. I understood it but did not agree with it in the least bit. Here's how it should've ended:
After Two-Face kills Maroni's driver, they should've had the scene where he kills Ramirez immediately followed by having him show up at the Gordon Family's doorstep saying "Hi Barbara". Then they should've had a shot with The Joker being put in his cell at Arkham Asylum passing the empty cell of Edward Nygma (Since I hear he's the next villain), and upon hearing The Joker's laugh, the camera fades to black.
Despite this, it's still a VERY strong and gripping movie. I have to give Nolan props for barely using CGI, flipping a semi, blowing up a building and amazing camera work. I give it an 8.5/10. I want to give it a 9 but I can't because unlike many other critics, and this was mentioned in a podcast from The Movie Blog recently, 9s and 10s are given out in too frequently now-a-days...many critics just aren't doing their jobs these days.
Oh, and did anyone else put on a WTF?! face whenever Rachel tells Harvey that Bruce's penthouse was now the safest place in Gotham? Umm...I don't know if you remember, but not even a week (or a day) earlier, The Joker broke into his penthouse and threw you out of a fucking window!! Yet it's the safest part of Gotham? Try another city like Metropolis or something, stay with Lois Lane or some shit...Jesus. Although I have to give Maggie G. for actually being able to act, unlike the previous Rachel Dawes...Katie Holmes...ugh.
Apparently, Elliot Spitzer is back in the news, saying that he's planning on writing a book about his whole hooker fiasco and even though I don't really care, I only have one thing to say about it: that book better have three things...pictures, pictures and more fucking pictures. Hell, if he really wants to make some money off it, make it into a pop-up book with little tabs you can pull on to simulate the sex he had with that delicious-but-still-not-worth-$4,300 hooker...I'd buy it.
What other topic or graphic novel-based film can follow something like The Dark Knight?
Hurm...
Oh yeah, The Watchmen!! July 17th will forever be known as Watchmen day. Not only did Empire accidently release the official trailer about 6 hours too early, Entertainment Weekly also leaked their next cover and pictures which are all about The Watchmen.
You can find the trailer at www.watchmencomicmovie.com, as well as a bunch of other stuff:
-Chapter Summaries(Only read the first couple and then buy the graphic novel, lest it spoil it for you)
-Interviews
-Set pictures
-Good amount of movie pictures
-Everything from the official site (www.watchmenmovie.com)
-So much more...
The trailer is flawless, the coloring style is great, the sets are ridiculously detailed and the casting is great...well, with the minor exception being that Ozymandias looks way too young. Here's a trailer scene to comic panel comparison done by Brad Bevret at Rope of Silicon.
If you thought The Dark Knight was dark and gritty and real, just wait until March of next year when an even better graphic novel comes out with an R rating directed by someone who absolutely adores the material...it's going to be phenomenal. I mean, the movie has a rape scene!! Haha! Also, Rorschach and The Comedian kill a decent amount of people to get the information, or pleasure, they desire. Watch for new clips of the film being uploaded next week as Comic Con San Diego 2008 is commencing on Thursday.
I went paintballing (Verb: to paintball) on Sunday and even though I only played like two games, as I was unaware it was a closed practice, I had fun hanging out with kids I hadn't seen in a while. After asking Ethan if his mom was still that delicious MILF I remember, I proceeded to just hang out and shoot the shit with everyone. Only one problem presented itself, aside from the heat that made our balls and thighs become one, and that would be Keith pouring half a fucking bottle of cheap, shitty-smelling cologne into the cooler...that had all the fucking water in it! Keith R....if you're reading this, seriously...you're a douche.
Oh and there was a chick that came in with, Matt Engles I think, that had the biggest fucking nose I'd seen in my life. Seriously...I mean, it looked like something that would send Mel Gibson into an uncontrollable rage.
This is just a random thought I had pop up in my mind a few days ago and I realized that it actually made sense. You see, I think that the welfare and standard of living in any particular area is based on the amount AND quality of cameras in that country when disaster strikes. Take the tsunami in India or the earthquake in China, shitty countries...how can I tell? The footage of those events is the kind we had in the late 60s, everything's all blurry, color is bland and the camera is never still. It's horrible footage and you wonder what the fuck is wrong with the cameraman. Similar to Hurricane Katrina, I mean, everyone knows you don't move to Louisiana for the economy. Then you come back to (real) America and if you look for footage of a tornado, school killing or suicide, they have the whole thing recorded on HD TV and is formatted for plasma flat screen TVs. Hell, I think you can get the video of the Virginia Tech shooter on Blu-Ray, but don't quote me on that.
Alright, I gotta get back to watching Step Up 2...only the BEST DANCE MOVIE EVER!!
Similarly, "fuck" isn't as appealing as it used to be when I began watching MILF Hunter. Now everything is hard as fuck, fucking hurts, depressing as fuck, can't take much more of that fucker, fuck it all and so-on. Why isn't anyone ever happy as fuck? How about pretty fucking horny? Eh, that's the American etymology for you...but i digress.
A few interesting things popped up online recently, my favorite being Michael Bay's Rejected "The Dark Knight" Script; which is basically his Transformers script...god what a bad movie that turned out to be(Especially the blond with the Aussie accent...ugh).
I went to Barnes and Nobles on Tuesday and noticed a couple things. The main one being that all the hott chicks will always be either in the self improvement section, business or religion section, depending on their age. Apparently, being a cougar isn't "in" at this time to the business section was a no-go for me, and the self improvement was empty...then again it was 8:30pm on a Tuesday. The religion section it was...I decided to start off easy by moseying into the overexagerated Christianity section and pretending to pick up some bible analysis until I saw a cute brunette walk over.
We exchanged casual smiles and then I asked her if she was looking for a newer version of the good book, while pointing at the new testament and winking...corny? yeah, but it was funny at the time and honestly, like I have much to work with while not offending her. So she talks about how just moved here and only knew the bible in some other language that I didn't really care about so I said give me a second and went one aisle behind us and grabbed The Bible for dummies. That got a laugh out of her. We talked about the book for a minute and...well...it was more like she talked, and I lied. She asked me what my favorite verse was and I told her, truthfully, that I didn't have one. I said "I do, however, love the entire book of Genesis, it's the beginning of everything and I love history, which is actually my major." again, another lie.
Honestly, who the hell majors in History? What a worthless major, I mean honestly, stop living in the past. They're the only majors worse than English majors...which basically means that unless you plan on teaching that same shit to 14 year olds who think rape is something that only happens in movies, then you're just going to be the most eloquent person in the unemployment line...Thoreau's not gonna help you there, toots. Anyways, back to the Jesus-stalker.
She agrees that history is interesting and then I tell her I should probably get going, there's a bunch of other stuff I need to get before I go home and do some homework. She gives me her number and walks away as I dump the book into the children section not even four feet away (Coincidence? I think not) and go into the real stuff: Philosophy.
Before I begin, let me set this up, this is the Philosophy section of a huge Barnes and Nobles on Westheimer, about 5min. from the Galleria. I'm looking for some books on Stoics or David Hume that I can buy that won't cause me to spend all my money because I'm a bit hungry. They have one book on Epicures, and two small ones(One of which I bought) on Epictetus...it's shameful how weak they are on a lot of other philosophers too. To add to this, they even made the Christianity section three and a half rows long while Eastern religions only get two and Philosophy gets three. They had bullshit like bible covers and bibles with space on the side for notes...fucking stupid. Truthfully, I was planning on buying the Islamic text (Qur'an) but couldn't find it either...fucking hypocritical Christians...what're you gonna do? Aside from crucifying them...
On a side note, under the Philosophy section, on the very bottom, they had, I shit you not, Battlestar Galactica and Philosophy: Knowledge Here Begins Out There.
Yeah...just let that sink in...
I guess it's time to talk about what everyone else is talking about; the only movie I've seen twice on opening day, once at midnight and then again at 5pm: The motherfuckin' Dark Knight.
Let me begin by saying that I am not a fan of the Batman. The comics, the story, the logic; it's all good but it always fails to interest me. It does, however, have some of the best villains.
That being said, HOLY TITTY-FUCKING-CHRIST!! I mean, I went into the theater with high expectations but this film blew me away, and not just literally, but figuratively as well. The story, themes, philosophies, judgements, acting, camera work, vision, etc. I was thoroughly and happily surprised by The Dark Knight...
...or should I say, Batman Fails? All we see is Batman gets his ass kicked in every way possible, emotionally, physically, psychologically, etc. Christian Bale, however, is one of the best Bruce Waynes I've ever seen, with my only complaint being the gruffness of his voice during a couple parts of the film; more specifically while The Joker is hanging upside-down and before Two-Face shoots him.
Heath Ledger's performance was fantastic, the voice, the ticks, the smile, the expressions and the laugh...oh man, that laugh...it was all flawless. I mean, I can imitate the voice decently, but that laugh will always be Ledger's. Let there be no confusions that what we saw on screen was not Ledger, it was The Joker, and a full testament to the art of method acting. Oscar nomination is a guarantee, and since I don't see any other films demanding such an outstanding performance this year, a win is actually very likely.
The second performance worth mentioning, and I hope he gets an Oscar nomination at least for best supporting actor, is Aaron Eckhart as Harvey "Two-Face" Dent. His transformation from the white knight of Gotham to a *almost* a child murderer, that really showcases the sharp and focused directorial skills of Christopher Nolan. Two things I didn't like however, the first being a petty personal desire to see him shoot Commissioner Gordon's son and the second being the ending. Even though I can see why they made the ending to fit the circle and tie off the loose ends, I thought the ending was horrible. Why would you give us a fantastic villain like Two-Face with merciless killing and then kill him after 20 minutes? Feels like he was cheated out of screen time. It's disappointing how much he was overshadowed by Ledger's performance, i just hope that after all the dust settles that he finally gets the recognition he REALLY deserves.
My biggest and most prominent disdain with the film was the ending. I understood it but did not agree with it in the least bit. Here's how it should've ended:
After Two-Face kills Maroni's driver, they should've had the scene where he kills Ramirez immediately followed by having him show up at the Gordon Family's doorstep saying "Hi Barbara". Then they should've had a shot with The Joker being put in his cell at Arkham Asylum passing the empty cell of Edward Nygma (Since I hear he's the next villain), and upon hearing The Joker's laugh, the camera fades to black.
Despite this, it's still a VERY strong and gripping movie. I have to give Nolan props for barely using CGI, flipping a semi, blowing up a building and amazing camera work. I give it an 8.5/10. I want to give it a 9 but I can't because unlike many other critics, and this was mentioned in a podcast from The Movie Blog recently, 9s and 10s are given out in too frequently now-a-days...many critics just aren't doing their jobs these days.
Oh, and did anyone else put on a WTF?! face whenever Rachel tells Harvey that Bruce's penthouse was now the safest place in Gotham? Umm...I don't know if you remember, but not even a week (or a day) earlier, The Joker broke into his penthouse and threw you out of a fucking window!! Yet it's the safest part of Gotham? Try another city like Metropolis or something, stay with Lois Lane or some shit...Jesus. Although I have to give Maggie G. for actually being able to act, unlike the previous Rachel Dawes...Katie Holmes...ugh.
Apparently, Elliot Spitzer is back in the news, saying that he's planning on writing a book about his whole hooker fiasco and even though I don't really care, I only have one thing to say about it: that book better have three things...pictures, pictures and more fucking pictures. Hell, if he really wants to make some money off it, make it into a pop-up book with little tabs you can pull on to simulate the sex he had with that delicious-but-still-not-worth-$4,300 hooker...I'd buy it.
What other topic or graphic novel-based film can follow something like The Dark Knight?
Hurm...
Oh yeah, The Watchmen!! July 17th will forever be known as Watchmen day. Not only did Empire accidently release the official trailer about 6 hours too early, Entertainment Weekly also leaked their next cover and pictures which are all about The Watchmen.
You can find the trailer at www.watchmencomicmovie.com, as well as a bunch of other stuff:
-Chapter Summaries(Only read the first couple and then buy the graphic novel, lest it spoil it for you)
-Interviews
-Set pictures
-Good amount of movie pictures
-Everything from the official site (www.watchmenmovie.com)
-So much more...
The trailer is flawless, the coloring style is great, the sets are ridiculously detailed and the casting is great...well, with the minor exception being that Ozymandias looks way too young. Here's a trailer scene to comic panel comparison done by Brad Bevret at Rope of Silicon.
If you thought The Dark Knight was dark and gritty and real, just wait until March of next year when an even better graphic novel comes out with an R rating directed by someone who absolutely adores the material...it's going to be phenomenal. I mean, the movie has a rape scene!! Haha! Also, Rorschach and The Comedian kill a decent amount of people to get the information, or pleasure, they desire. Watch for new clips of the film being uploaded next week as Comic Con San Diego 2008 is commencing on Thursday.
I went paintballing (Verb: to paintball) on Sunday and even though I only played like two games, as I was unaware it was a closed practice, I had fun hanging out with kids I hadn't seen in a while. After asking Ethan if his mom was still that delicious MILF I remember, I proceeded to just hang out and shoot the shit with everyone. Only one problem presented itself, aside from the heat that made our balls and thighs become one, and that would be Keith pouring half a fucking bottle of cheap, shitty-smelling cologne into the cooler...that had all the fucking water in it! Keith R....if you're reading this, seriously...you're a douche.
Oh and there was a chick that came in with, Matt Engles I think, that had the biggest fucking nose I'd seen in my life. Seriously...I mean, it looked like something that would send Mel Gibson into an uncontrollable rage.
This is just a random thought I had pop up in my mind a few days ago and I realized that it actually made sense. You see, I think that the welfare and standard of living in any particular area is based on the amount AND quality of cameras in that country when disaster strikes. Take the tsunami in India or the earthquake in China, shitty countries...how can I tell? The footage of those events is the kind we had in the late 60s, everything's all blurry, color is bland and the camera is never still. It's horrible footage and you wonder what the fuck is wrong with the cameraman. Similar to Hurricane Katrina, I mean, everyone knows you don't move to Louisiana for the economy. Then you come back to (real) America and if you look for footage of a tornado, school killing or suicide, they have the whole thing recorded on HD TV and is formatted for plasma flat screen TVs. Hell, I think you can get the video of the Virginia Tech shooter on Blu-Ray, but don't quote me on that.
Alright, I gotta get back to watching Step Up 2...only the BEST DANCE MOVIE EVER!!
2 comments:
The blond girl in transformers... her accent is Australian. come on, homie, you should know this one.
and way to fake being a christian.
That's true...I should know. I haven't seen the movie since it came out but I remember she was annoying, served no purpose, and was barely a better actress than Megan Fox's constant impression of Keanu Reeves...
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