Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Day 61

So does Dumbledore...

Line of the Week: What time do you start throwing out donuts? -Liz Lemon on 30 Rock

There was no update last week, I was probably busy or under the influence or watching another movie...I was probably just watching actor interviews on YouTube though.

While at Quiznos last week, I stole 51 cents from someone. I say someone because it was in the automatic change tray and I didn't get the plasure of physically taking it from them. It was nifty and all, but because it was the mistake of someone else and not my personal sneakiness or even deviousness, it didn't have that same rush or excitment behind it. It felt wrong to receive money without taking it away from someone...don't get me wrong though, I still took it and it's in my car right now, but it just doesn't feel as right as it should.

During an intruiging and VERY late-night conversation I had with some friends, we decided that the biggest thing missing from Twilight, among many, many, many, many others, was the lack of the main character being a badass. Now I'm not talking about the ugly chick who can't act, I'm talking about the brosef who can't act. What they need to do is replace Robert Patterson with Clint Eastwood. Can you even begin to imagine how many lonely teenage girls and lonely older women would purchase a black emo shirt with the line "Get off my lawn, Jacob" on the front? They'd sell like fucking Pokemon cards, and not the new ones, I'm talking about the originals with Bulbasaur, Scyther, Dragonite, Hunter and Charizard.

It's no secret that January and February are ALWAYS a shit month for movies because they're the dumping ground for movies the studios know aren't any good. There's always one exception (Cloverfield, Taken, etc.) but usually there's only crap that attracts people with the IQs so low you wonder how they're able to feed themselves or reproduce correctly.

Last weekend(?), we received Inkheart and Underworld 3 (Yeah, I know), which brought children, which are essentially miniature retarded people, and fat, grotesque people-like beings that looks like they haven't left their parents' basement in months...and Houston doesn't even have basements! The worst part is the fatties. Oh man, they come in ready to order two full meals with dessert and always complain about their food not having enough grease. Plus, they're the only people who whine about having to walk to the back of the theater...which is maybe a difference of 30 steps. You may think I'm kidding or exaggerating but I've seen and heard it happen at LEAST a hundred times since I've started working there.

I genuinely believe that if there were anthropomorphic tomatoes alive, they would tell us that they prefer to be carried from location to location by goats. Not only that, they have the type of personality that would request to be held in bushels and round baskets as opposed to crates. Don't they seem like the kind to say stuff like that?

I was on Facebook today and noticed that they were giving away a free "gift" that was basically a card saying Thanks. I don't know if this is some sort of mass subliminal advertising to be more conformist to their ways, but it sure seems nice. In accordance to their request, I gave myself thanks for being me and always being there when I needed myself, regardless of how angry I, or myself, were. Don't believe me? Check out the screen cap I took of myself:

Beat that mofos!

As I type this, I'm sitting in my Business Computer blahblahblah class and half-listening to my professor explain to us the values of bits, bytes, kilobytes and so on. She just said that each bit is essentially a single character and asked us how many bites are in the word "LOVE," to which I stated to the people around me "None, because it doesn't exist." Good times for all...this class is dull and uninspired. If I were to give it a review I would give it no stars out of five and then proceed to do what normal people do and read Maureen Down articles from The New Yorker and Liebovitz photographs from Vanity Fair.

I saw Push last night at a screening at AMC 30 on Dunvale and Westheimer which, if you live in Houston, know that it is NOT a good theater to EVER go to. I could say "I saw a movie with a bunch of uneducated and ignorant minorities" and it would convey the exact same sentiments. Aside from the screening being sponsored by 97.9 The Box (A local rap station), posters, shirts and cups were given out by way of a mini scavenger hunt where the DJs called out the following items: Red lipstick, a blue pen and socks with holes...which translates to any person who can't afford new socks. They didn't even ask any movie trivia...dicks.

Yes, they asked for socks with holes in them, I'm not making that up...

That's about all I can conjure up for now, but look for more ridiculous nothings coming up next week! Here's the remixed version of Christian Bale cussing out the DP of Terminator Salvation:

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