Monday, December 1, 2008

Day 57

I really hate motivational posters but I actually laughed at this...

Line of the Week: Rape: An American Family Tradition -IHOP Excursion


You know how sometimes you think you're getting a deal when you're actually not because you're completely unawares of any effects of said "deal?" Well I do, and I can safely say it probably almost killed me...except not.

I'm talking about the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. After getting out of class and doing some stuff at home, I went to Ryan's house and from there, a few of us decided to go to Sonic. Why would I, Homero, the guy who eats Chicken McNuggets like they're Chicken McNuggets, ever want to go somewhere other than McDonalds? Well if I stop interrupting myself in the 3rd person, I'll tell you. On this fateful day, Sonic deemed it necessary to make all Corn Dogs only 50 cents...naturally, I decided to buy five of them, along with an order of Tater Tots and a large coke. I wish I could remember actually eating them all but I wasn't sober enough, althuogh I'm pretty sure I was crying while I tried to finish the last one...what a horrible idea.

Lets talk about Turkey Day and shit. I woke up feeling like shit onThursday, made myself some waffles (Perfect after corn dogs) and brought a Christmas tree into existence...just like this God character I hear so much about. It wasn't even that hard. I really don't get why he gets all this praise and I end up getting itchy fingers...it's bullshit. I mean, I did it while watching a marathon of America's Best Dance Crew which is actually very similar to Very Flexible High School Drop Outs.

Afterwards, I went to my aunts house to watch my family members get fat. Before we ate, however, my family stood in a circle around the food (Because that's what you're supposed to worship in Catholicism) and I watched them foolishly give thanks to, again, this God character. Seriously, who does that? Especially on a fay that has the word thanks in the title. By the time he actually get their message of thanks, it'll be January and he'll be too busy working on Super Bowl commercials and protecting Obama on the inaguration. I was the smart one though because I caught God on Facebook Chat, and even though he didn't reply because of his status (God is stroking his...ego!), I sent him a message to his email. I didn't give thanks, I just asked him why the hell he made The Dark Knight DVD so fucking retarded...it's not even worth buying. Case in point, God's been an arrogant asshole this year.

Working this weekend I noticed two things:
  1. Twilight fans are more retarded than I previously feared.
  2. Black people who last saw Soul Men, saw Transporter 3...
...so blacks like stupid comedy and Jason Statham. I actually have a theory that they have a thing for guys with English accents, especially if they're in an action movie, but I'll have to wait until The International comes out for me to test that.

Sorry about the short updates lately, I'm normally much better about it, but I've been too busy lately...especially with all the 20 DVDs I bought on African-American Friday. My next movie is Raging Bull, followed by Domino and then Se7en. Next week I'll explain to everyone how the ICEE came to be, but until then, LEAVE ME ALONE!!

1 comment:

Cameron Pfiffer said...

Couldn't find a way to send you an email. Love reading your blog, very funny. Found somthing you might like.

http://people.ambrosiasw.com/~andrew/funny/bloodcyber.html

Guy cybers wrong, he posts the conversations here, worth the long read.