Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Day 72

It's not racist if it's funny...

Line of the Week: Shocking Surprise Of The Morning -The direct translation of the Korean title of Edgar Wright's 'Shaun of the Dead'

I was 'relaxing' with a friend after work on Saturday and as he ate his sushi, his dog came up and tried to eat it, promoting him to ask me "Can dogs have fish?" I proceeded to understand that as him asking me whether or not dogs could legally own fish, so I asked him "Is it really that big a deal? I suppose they can, but if they can't then if someone comes over looking for fish-ownership papers, you can just say they're yours...why?" There's really no ending to this story, except that we ended up laughing about it for a good four to six, you gotta love happiness.

Sunday consisted of waking up super late, getting some food, doing some various tasks and then heading downtown with my friend Lauryn to the Deadmau5 concert. This may not strike anyone as impressive, but then again, anyone can be an idiot. We got there a few minutes before he was supposed to come on but were treated to a fan-fucking-tastic opener that laid down some great tracks like (my favorite) Floating by Jape and One Above One by Vitalic. Then Deadmau5 came on and rocked our fucking world by kicking it off with FML and moving through his songs while hitting the crowd favorites like Ghosts and Stuff, The Reward is More Cheese and a mashup of Muse and Daft Punk. We made sure to get up front for optimum ear-numbness and went all out.

I think my favorite parts were two events completely unrelated to the music. The first is called Technosex, which describes the people who were behind me and to the left that were making out, as in she was leaning into him while facing me and he was leaning back with his tongue in her mouth and his hand down her shirt, it was very fun to watch in my lack of sobriety and couldn't help but laugh. The second is less amusing and consists of a fat asian lady, like at least 27 years old, with two guys mind you, came up behind me, put her arms around me and started rubbing my arms and kind of dry humping until I grabbed her wrists and pushed her back as I looked at her friends with a look that said "Dude...seriously? Get your fat whore off me while I'm trying to enjoy this fucking concert or I'll punch her in the face and then weave quickly through the crowd so you can't find me, mkay?" Yeah, she didn't bother me after that.

I was eating Jack in the Box on Monday and guess what happened? Yeah, they fucked up and replaced my cheeseburger for a regular burger, DESPITE THE FACT THAT I ORDERED AN ULTIMATE CHEESEBURGER (#5). I ate it but I was definitely NOT happy. The best part was that in the middle of my rage (Read: Temper-tantrum), I received a call to my house phone from who else than what the caller ID described as "Food for the Poor", so I picked it up, hung up (down?) and walked away like the Hulk, except without pants...don't judge me, I wanted to get comfortable.

I would like to take this opportunity to take advantage of the opportunity to address some people that have been stealing oxygen molecules for far too long...
Dear you: stop using "frickin" instead of "fucking." I took a poll of the world and guess what? No one, and I mean NO ONE, is impressed by your ability to not curse and simultaneously sound childish AND retarded...that is all.

I went to a screening of Precious on Tuesday, and as the theater began to fill, I looked down at the reserved seats and noticed that it doubled as the "White person section" and something in my body lept up with happiness, almost as if I expected it and was glad to see I was right. Also, I kept on thinking the theater was empty, but when I went to sit down in an empty seat, there was already someone there, it's as if they had camouflage on that prevented them from being seen in the dark...weird...

Hey, do you like Brett Ratner, the director of such "films" as The Family Man, Rush Hour 3, After the Sunset and X-Men: The Last Stand? Me neither! Without further ado, I present to you: Ratnerfilms!!

A couple friends and I went to San Marcos for the weekend and on the way back, we saw a bunch of American flags being flown at half-staff and we figured it was because of the shooting at Ft. Hood. I got to thinking though, how long will that last? What's the standard time to wait after soldiers have been killed before you're allowed to raise the flag all the way up? Is it one day per dead soldier? What if it's someone of a higher rank? Do they get 2-3 days? These are the questions that keep me up at night...why aren't these things posted on billboards across America? I think the people have the right to know!!

Then, a girl in my Psychology class was wearing a hoodie today that said "Navy Girlfriend" on it. That's it. Nothing else...just "Navy Girlfriend." Umm, is that supposed to impress some 9 year old, because I don't get it. As soon as I saw it, two things came to mind:
  1. You're a Navy girlfriend? Awesome!! Goodluck getting that "Navy Wife" hoodie when all members of that branch are gay, lulz.
  2. Really? JUST a Navy Girlfriend? That means you can't commit to someone who's fighting for our country or you're just a cock-tease, either way, no one cares.
While we're still making fun of people we "shouldn't" be, I overheard someone talking about how their friend or family member (Idk, the point is that his name was Greg) to someone else and they said "At least he's in a better place." Yes, I realize the cliche of that line but older white women aren't known for their creativity, mkay? Anyways, she said that and all I could think to myself was "Why did he not do anything over there?" Let's face it, whether you like it or not, all of America's soldiers that do their job (See: Kill brown motherfuckers), are not going to a "better place." Those guys, as lovable, patriotic and well-meaning as they may be, are going to hell to killing people. Now I've never read the bible, but people who have tell me time and time and time and time and time again that killing is a definite no-no. So no matter which way you look at it, those kids are getting sent to their doom in more ways than one.

That's about it, I might be sorry it took so long to get this one up, but I might also not be, you'll never know. I'll leave you with two of my favorite videos on YouTube as of the moment I saw them. The first is a real presentation at TED and the second is a beautiful example of how important Interpersonal Communication really is:

Oh, and some people ask me how I worked out to get in shape to be Dr. McNinja, to which I reply...with Marky Mark, of course!!

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